A few weekends ago I had a girls weekend with friends that were roommates from college. I won’t share with you how long ago that was! Whenever a group of women and mothers get together there is always the talk about families and what the kids are doing. Most stories are relatively the same and pretty tame, with a few variables. Except for my story which is always tough for me. Even to this day, the number of times I have had to share it is still difficult and many times I find myself getting choked up. Time does not seem to make it any easier.
Before an occasion arises I always go over it in my mind or rehearse my story – what do I tell my friends? There is no easy answer and the more I rehearse it, it comes out differently. The amount of detail I share depends on how close I am to the person. Some of the the most difficult moments can be when I answer and there is just a blank stare in return.
Here are some of the canned answers I have come created (let’s say the teens name is Bill):
- Where is Bill going to high school?
He is going to a boarding school out of state.
–Then quickly change the subject. - Does he like the school?
It is not the one he would of chose, but we felt it would be good for him.
–Thanks for asking, quickly walk away. - How is Bill doing in High School?
–Better, we had to do an intervention and he is going to a school out of state. - What type of school is it?
It is a boarding school, for teens to help them with coping skills or issues . . . This is when I never know what will come out.
Truthfully there is no great answer, usually I try to skirt the issue and begin talking about my younger son and sharing his experiences. Most people tend to not comment and are more involved in sharing their own story. When I do begin to share more information with a select group of people many times their stories will begin to come out and there will be some common ground. Sadly there are a large number of families dealing with the same issues and when there is common ground, I can feel a bond. The situation may be they have a child (usually grown) living in a group home or they may have one at home that is struggling. I never try to give advice, I am the last one that feels qualified to give advice. But I will, sometimes share my opinion on teen safety at home such as locking up your alcohol and prescription medications.
I never offer my information and for that reason it can be lonely. If someone asks I try to be as direct and honest as I feel safe and I let them know I appreciate their asking. I hope this helps you with difficult questions. If you have some good ideas, please comment.
Telling extended family is another story, we can discuss that one later.
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