I have never understood the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, for some reason the name has always confused me and to be honest a bit scary. It is a misleading label that was coined in the 1930’s. I wish I had read this article from The New York Times, Personal Health – An Emotional Hair Trigger, Often Misread, a few years ago, it describes my son’s behavior perfectly before he went into treatment. It was one of the many diagnosis mentioned and I tried to ignore; I did not think he had a “personality disorder”.
Here is a direct quote that explains the signs we experienced prior to treatment:
Moods can change quickly and unpredictably, behaviors can be impulsive (including abuse of alcohol or drugs, reckless driving, overspending or disordered eating), and relationships with others are often unstable. Many patients injure themselves and threaten or attempt suicide to relieve their emotional pain.
People with the disorder are said to have a thin emotional skin and often behave like 2-year-olds, throwing tantrums when some innocent word, gesture, facial expression or action by others sets off an emotional storm they cannot control. The attacks can be brutal, pushing away those they care most about. Then, when the storm subsides, they typically revert to being “sweet and wonderful,” as one family member put it.
His emotions were so sporadic he would erupt for the smallest things, as the article mentions you always feel like you are “walking on eggshells”. Some children must learn to regulate their emotions as for others it comes naturally and they are in need of additional stability. The last thing most teens have is emotional stability even some of the most well adjusted. This is why an RTC, residential treatment or boarding schools are so effective with teen behavior, offering a structured environment and lots of stability.
If someone you know is suffering from these symptoms they may need more help than most therapists are qualified to give. I know this was very true for us and a hard lesson to learn. “Therapists tend to regard borderline patients as manipulative and demanding of an inordinate amount of time and attention”. It has been found that some therapists with traditional analytic training provide unsuccessful treatment and then experience feelings of failure and frustration. Therapists trained in dialectical behavior therapy which is a derivative of cognitive behavior therapy can be helpful for those with borderline personality disorders. I know many of the residential treatment centers specialize in this type of therapy for teens. The goal is to teach them how to regulate themselves and it is possible with the correct treatment.
Related links of interest on Borderline Personality Disorder :
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- National Institute of Mental Health BPD – A brief overview that focuses on the symptoms, treatments, and research findings.
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Thanks for the recommendation. This book is on the books pages of the blog. Here is the link to the book on Amazon Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
By far the most informative and helpful book I’ve found as a parent with a BPD child is:
The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells
by Randi Kreger
Thanks for the reminder that these behaviors can be modified. I think my son is living proof of this so far. I will add the recommendations to the book list. Thanks for suggesting.
This is a great post. At 18, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The psychiatrist I’ve been seeing for the last year or so contests that diagnosis largely because at that time it was “stuck” on teens whom they otherwise didn’t know what to do with. The cool thing about BPD is that most people do grow out of it, crazy as that seems. The not-so-cool thing is that extreme stressors (death of loved ones, for example) can cause it to rear its ugly head again.
Truthfully in my own opinion (and we know what opinions are like!) the label matters less than the understanding of what drives behavior AND the understanding that the behavior CAN be modified.
Sounds like you’re on the right track!
There are a couple of books you many find very helpful.
Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger
I Hate You–don’t leave me by Jerold J Kreisman and Hal Straus
Both were recommended to me by our daughter’s therapist at New Haven.
Also, an article on the New Haven website is very good. Link:
http://www.newhavenrtc.com/articles/borderline-personality-disorder-in-teens.php
I agree with you—it is a scary diagnosis. We are grateful for every year older our daughter gets. Her therapist said we’ll have the blow-out birthday party when she hits 35