Traveling to Europe
You wouldn’t expect to see a picture like this on a troubled teen website, but I can hardly wait for Spring Break to get here. In fact I have anxiously been waiting for Spring Break to get here for the past 8 plus weeks. Maybe I just want Spring Break to be over. On April 9 my son, the troubled teen, and I are leaving on a ten day trip to Europe. Just the two of us! What I was thinking (or smoking) when I made this proposal is beyond me now but at the moment it seemed so right. He had just graduated from High School and was turning 18 in a few weeks. It was a lot of milestones accomplished at one time in his complicated life and I felt like they needed to be recognized. So I offered to take him on a trip to celebrate, it was his choice.
Since the time that promise was made there have been some turbulent times; and I have wondered how we were going to get along without killing each other. Since he turned 18 there are a few things that he now has the legal right to do that are very annoying to me, but I cannot do anything about it except enforce our house rules.
I already had the plane tickets (non-transferable) plus a place for us to stay, no way out unless I were to go by myself 
. Also, once I make a promise I don’t like to renege on it. I have come to some kind of conscious awareness that there is some reason for this trip or I would not have offered it. At this point either it will turn out fantastic or a disaster. At first I was going to take both he and his younger brother, but then I got smart and decided that was not a good idea. It would have been them and me. Just the two of us, an over 50 year old women and an 18 year old teen traveling in Europe together, almost sounds like the odd couple. Maybe that is what will make it an adventure to remember.
When I visualize it in my mind I see us having a really good time, sharing special moments and laughing together. He and I have had those special times in the past, in fact he and I like doing a lot of the same things. For me to really make this enjoyable, I will have to accept the things he does that bother me and not judge. He is now his own person and if I want to continue to have a relationship with him I have to accept him for who he is.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
“I think parenting is the toughest job I have ever had.”
Me too! Absolutely! No doubt about it! And you’ve walked a difficult road, but have faith that you are coming out of switchbacks and onto more level, straight roads. At least know that he is responsible for his own car (sorry if I am taking the metaphor too far) and that although you have a tow-truck, you are no longer required to be the mechanic you’ve been for many years (and you’ve done an excellent job!). You could have called it a lemon and sent it back…just washed your hands of him, but you didn’t. You’ve been a faithful parent through the worst of times and you’ve crossed the main finish line. His life is in his hands (and God’s). I hope you have a wonderful, rejuvenating trip! You deserve it!
Hi Karyn, You are right
I think parenting is the toughest job I have ever had.
I hope you two have a wonderful, bonding experience. And it looks like the above poster, Cheryl, has some great ideas for the trip.
It’s awesome for you to celebrate two milestones that in your darkest nights you might have worried would never occur. Next on the list perhaps, is to begin the mental transition from troubled teen to growing adult! God bless!
I feel the same way about you on your advise and your journey.
I just found your site recently and haven’t commented before. My oldest daughter had a lot of problems as a teenager, she is now nearly23. In the midst of one of our roughest times with her my husband and I took only her on a trip to the mountains with us. It turned out to be a good thing. Away from home she became more like the person we remembered and we had the first relaxing time we had experienced with her in a couple of years. I hope the same for the two of you. it looks like a wonderful trip to take, have a wonderful time!
Wow Cheryl, thank you for your kind and wise words. Everything you say is so true and your advise is wonderful.
I honestly love this idea.
For one thing he will learn its ok to have fun with his mom again. He will also see it as an adult and realize what you are doing for him…giving him this amazing time.
A couple thoughts I would like to share. One thing I have always done that seems to help. When you get him alone that first time….in the car, plane, whichever have an honest talk with him. Let him know that this trip is about the two of you having fun…that it’s not just his trip that its yours too.
What I usually do is follow that with…look around…we know no one here just the two of us. you dont have to put on any acts or worry about what your friends will say no one is here. Let down your guard and have some real fun. Let him know you will be feeling like a teen again and its ok for him to feel that way too.
Make a deal you wont ruin his time if he wont ruin yours. do a pinky swear just to get him to let down his guard from the get go. If you never have done a pinky swear…me and my son wrap pinkies then kiss our own thumb on the hand thats we wrapped pinkies then after kissing it we touch our kissed thumbs.
What this does if you say it early enough then drop it…he’ll get to think about it and he will hopefully realize this is your trip too. Because at that age he needs to know its YOUR trip too. And you will be treating him like an adult…telling him your needs and expectations.
I hope this is the trip of a lifetime for both of you…It’s a celebration…one for you and him…a journey you’ve been taking together…good luck…and I truely wish you the best…
WOW! I wish you safe travels and the best time! Let us know how it all goes.