This is a list of how my son existed and was able to exist for five nights without a phone or money as a teen runaway. While he was gone we were constantly speculating how he was able to exist, where he may be living and what he might be doing. He was actually more prepared for the adventure than I thought. I am making this list for your information if you should ever be in the same situation. We have not talked to him extensively about his experience, since he has returned to residential treatment, but these are a few things that I learned.
- He did not leave the house with a sleeping bag, but some how he did acquire one. He was sleeping outside, in youth homeless camps.
- He did not have any money and was panhandling for money. Some people gave him as much as $40.00. He was also seen in front of Safeway where he claimed to get free food.
- In his backpack were newspaper clippings from the free newspapers advertising different locations, things to do, head shops in the area. Anything that was free clinics, shelters and food. There was one pamphlet on how to be homeless and another piece of paper with a listing of the homeless shelters circled by someone.
- When he arrived into a town he would go to the free kitchen, local park and talk to the homeless people to find out where he could stay. Interestingly enough from my conversations with some of these people, the adult homeless do not want anything to do with underage kids. They would give him information on where the “homeless teen camps” were located or how to hook up with them.
- While looking for him most of the teens that we talked to did not want to have anything to do with us, but if we got into a conversation with them, then they became forthright. They also would give us there opinion on how we should be parenting our kid.
- My son claimed he did not hitchhike (yeah!!). He took the bus from location to location. The bus for teens / students I think is roughly one dollar.
- He went to the library and check his MySpace. We and his brothers had written him messages, he did receive them but he did not respond.
- As each day went by the weather got better and I think it got easier for him to live on the street.
A teen runaway is not a crime in California, therefore the police or law enforcement are not actively looking for your kid. There are over 28,000 teen runaways in California alone. Our son was found by a friend and picked up by the police in the Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco. The Haight is a mecca for homeless teen runaways and somehow they all know it. Many gravitate towards it, I think they know they can survive there. He told us he met kids from all over the country. They can only hide for so long, they have to come out. I always felt like he was hiding from us or watching us and it seemed like we were always one day behind him.
Links to more information:
The Runaways
Time Magazine 9/1967, old article but still very relevant.
Huckleberry Youth Programs
Huckleberry House has the distinction of being the oldest program for runaway and homeless youth in the country.
56% of crisis callers have been on the street for one week or less
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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi, I’m an 18 years old college student. I want to runaway. My parents, especially my dad, abuses me constantly. My mom told me she wish she have never had me and my dad said I was a worthless child that does not deserve their love. He smacks me in the face and kicks me. I do not have a job, I have tried so hard to find a job but to my bad luck none of the stores gave me a callback due to my lack of experience. I have intentions of going to a UC but my parents did not have the money to pay for my education, thus, forcing me to go to a local community college. They told me that they will not give me a car or insurance to get to my school which is a 30 min drive from my house. I have tried very hard in high school and kept my grades up so I can leave this house the right way. I can not take the verbal and physical abuse of my parents and I am sick of crying to myself. I have tried to suicide a few times in the past, but I was too afraid. If someone can help me get out of this household or give me any advise on what i should do please tell me.
Right now i hate my life so much im planning on running away my mother says i cant go out for anything not even to the store but ill need a place to go i just dont want them to find me. and after this summer, school will start so idk what to do. All i want is to be free not locked up in the house all day its not fair i cant even go to the park n i have to be watched like if imma do something wrong they wont even let me go to church or any where alone i think running away would be the right thing to do becuase they wont hand freedom to me ill just have to take it and im 16…. its sad
My brother ran away with his girl friend. They are 16 and have been missing for two days. They have no money or food as far as we know. The last thing we were able to find on them were e mails and my space comments of them wanting to leave their terrible lives and commit suicide together. Are family is scared. It would be different if it was just a regular runaway situation, but they spoke of a better world if they were dead. I am frightened and they are both very quiet and seclude themselves from the rest of the world. His name is Nicholas Saldana and hers is Norma they went missing in the chino / ontario area of california. He has a myspace just enter his name to see a photo. Any info will help call the police please.
I think about running away all the time. Sometimes I feel like a burden on my mother and my dad isn’t trying to help us out at all. I live in a motel with my mom and two brothers. It’s crowded and tensions get high. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom and brothers to death, but I just don’t think that sticking around is helping out at all. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be on my own, able to start over. Maybe my mom could get her life together.
Hi Tim, Thanks for your comments and contributions we need more people like you. As much as our young people fight against their parents they need us to help them make it through these difficult times.
This is to LiveLaughLove, sorry,I started to write ya and lost the whole letter. I told ya I’m a virgin on the computer. I meant to tell ya you CAN call me or my daughter if things go to hell. Also I guess ANY young person who has a problem or needs to talk to, ya can call us. Also I have a very good two sons. OLDEST is getting married. SECOND son is 19 yrs.old. VERRRYYYY good looking, BUT has the best personality. He loves to JUST meet new people. I’m not sure what his facebook is. To all, there is hope. call if ya want to talk. WE NEED YOU KIDS. Be HAPPY.
Young Lady, don’t know your name. It’s hell being twelve. I have been in law enforcement for over three decades, and still can’t type very well. I can understand where your coming from if you are telling the story the way it is. Verbal abuse is as damaging as physical abuse. A parent(s) can not show favortism to one child more than the other, it’s just not right. The T.V. show I hate most is America’s strictist parents. What a fake. The toughest,most disrespectful kids, come to the house,the parents play tough, and by the middle of the show they all are in love,B.S. It doesn’t work that way in the real world.
If you truly can’t live with your parents, try an aunt,uncle, grandparents, or even a foster home. At twelve, there is no possible way you can remain ALIVE on the streets.
If you do go to the streets, you must tell an adult you trust where you are, no exceptions. You must not trust the peers you meet on the streets. You must find birth control at no cost, it will be the first thing a preditor will ask of you. You must stay in a group at nights for protection.
I wish you would give a call some time, 608-726-0540, I would then give you mine and my daughters e-mail so you can talk if you get down. I wish you well if you hit the streets, you’ll need it. Again don’t trust anyone. If you’re abused, seek a woman shelter for help, they will not call your parents.
GOOD LUCK.
I just would really like to thank Leah connor for that great advice. I believe it. Thanks so much, you have inspired me.
to hina
y dont u talk to ur mom about your father or ask your father to leave you alone . if u really want to runaway and stay away from your father try to go to another college faraway . but it would be best if you talk to your parents about this.
I’m a teen, I haven’t run away and i don’t think i will. I’m an “honor student” and get “above average” grades. I’m fairly happy with my life but i constantly wish that my father would leave me alone. My mom is really nice and i don’t want to worry her, and i love my brother to death, but i hate my father. I’m a junior in High school and have 1 year left before i can leave for college. Unfortunately the college i want to go to is so close to where i live i would live with my mom and dad if i were to go there. I keep wishing my parents would divorce so i could live with my mom and ignore my dad’s existence, but whenever I bring it up my mom and dad always say “it doesn’t work that way”. I don’t want to upset my mom but i want to runaway from my dad. what should i do?
To Brittani,
Please don’t run away unless, of course, you feel your life is threatened. Have you talked to someone at your school? There are teachers, principals, and maybe even social workers there. Please do not do anything drastic. You need to find someone you can trust at your school.
Thank you, Beth. Our son is certainly anti-government and really believes like you said that he is “sticking it to the man.” He came home last month–we had to pay for bus fare and he “borrowed” money from a friend to pay the rest of the way by train. He is home on a semi irregular basis, a day here, a day there. He said he feels lost, and we have taken him to a social worker, but I don’t see any results. He still will not bathe. I believe there is some mental illness there. I still can’t help feeling both angry at him but happy to see him (and guilty for whatever we didn’t do right throughout his childhood, but I can’t seem to pinpoint it). I don’t really know if he is trying to get any better. He is thinking of staying in a friend’s cabin in the middle of nowhere. I’d rather see him take a class or two at a local community college–since he can’t bring himself to enroll full-time–feels awkward in social situations. Sorry to ramble. I think I need a support group. It’s all so sad.
I want to run away my moms always mean to me and hits me she only cares about my little sisters i coulod give away every thing ( phone number, Etc.) and she wouldnt care im 12 and i want to run away what do i do my email is smoothwildcat108@aol.com
To Candlebright–I think they are lying because they are ashamed, and also because if they told the organization that is helping them that they have a loving family they purposely left behind, they fear that they might not get the help they are seeking.
There is such irony here. These kids don’t want to be part of society, think they are “sticking to to the man,” but they leech off of people who are contributing members of society by sucking up services for poor people, when they are poor and homeless by choice.
What is the point of no return for runaways? Since my son has been homeless (now residing in CA) for 4 years now, what is the likelihood that he will grow tired on this kind of lifestyle? When I met with him and took him out for coffee about a year ago, he told me that he’d found some great starbucks coffee in a dumpster (so I know he looks through dumpsters for food, and he seemed pleased that he was so resourceful and self-sufficient).
Also, why are our teens telling others that they come from broken homes or have been abused and neglected–when they have come from very loving homes? I found out our son told a GED secretary that he had “no family.” He doesn’t even admit that his father, younger sister, and I exist…which makes all of this even harder for us. I feel like he’s that Supertramp kid from “Into the Wild,” where he has completely disowned his family and friends and just takes off all alone for Alaska. Are our children lying so that they can get sympathy from others? Or are they lying because they are ashamed of having left their families behind?
I’m just thinking that maybe answers to these questions might help me determine if he will ever come back to live among our society.
I know your heart is broken, and I feel for you, I really do. But Kids’ RTC is right–since he is 21, there is little you can do except let him know you love him. I am the parent of a troubled teen in a treatment center, but I was also a troubled teen myself. I put myself through college and graduated, but then spent a couple of years bumming through Europe, although I did work and had a place to live–I was never homeless by choice. Now I know what it must have been like for my mother, not hearing from me for months at a time, and wondering what I was doing.
I also lived in San Francisco for 14 years, from my late 20′s to early 40′s when I moved to Southern California. I can understand it’s great allure for young people. All I can say is this–people do mature, and tire of the hippie lifestyle. You are onto something when you said that maybe you did too much for him. I think he is trying to be independent, and is doing it in the only way he knows how. There are many services for young people in SF for food, shelter, and healthcare–he is unlikely to starve to death on the streets.
I know he is your sweet baby boy and you want to protect him. He is wanting to spread his wings and fly–he may crash, but when he does, he will have to figure out how to pick himself back up again since you will not be there to do it for him. I know how hard it is for you, but try to believe that he will be okay.
I’m glad you posted on this board. Although we all may never meet, we are all friend to support one another here.
Since he is 21 there is really nothing you can do. Send me his picture and if I can I will post it on the site for you. Go to the about page and you can attach a file http://www.troubledteenblog.com/about/ I know how tough this can be. I think you will see him again, sometimes they just need to get this out of their system.
My son turns 21 in 2 weeks and he decided that he wanted to give up his home, his car, his girlfriend, his life here in Virginia and live on the streets of San Francisco. He left on Tuesday and my heart feels like it was ripped out of my chest. He was not beaten, he was not berated, he was loved. Where did it go wrong? Not teaching him to be responsible for himself; always providing for him to the point of even a house of his own to live in. We kept hoping that he would wake up and use the education plan that we purchased for him and make a life for himself. Instead he has chosen to live on the streets; sleep in a sleeping bag; wonder around all day with others doing the same. Nothing prepared me for the heartache. Will I ever see him again? I feel like I want to die. I can’t stop crying. Do they ever come home? He’s like a hippie, wanting to follow a Grateful Dead type group and smoke pot. Nothing is more important than the pot and Further (the band). If anyone reading this sees him, tell him to go home where he is loved and wanted. He has the Grateful Dead bears tattooed on the inside of his right arm, he is about 5 ft 11 inches and dark hair. He is skinny because he doesn’t eat much. His name is Andrew.
I want to run away. Ive been planning for years to run away because i get bulllied sometimes but mostly screamed at everyday (literaly) and i just cant take it i pray every day for god to help me but he gives me more punishment but i dont blame him. i feel like going to therapy but I dont feel comfortable to share it with a stranger. I live in New York and i need advice. Please help i want to run away but my brothers say i shouldnt. Since there is no homeless shelters i have to stay in my jail cell…….
Like TeriM we have a son who ran away. He comes from a loving family, but only wanted to live on his terms (not attending school, not working, not helping out at home). He is traveling across the U.S. We used to be so angry, but now we are just desperate with worry. He has told people that he has no family, etc. He barely acknowledges his little sister. He lives on the streets and has been for the last 4 years. I truly believe he is happy being homeless. As a parent, I can tell you it is the worst feeling in the world. He calls us now and then (we pay for a cell phone for him), but somehow we wish it would turn into something more. As a mother, the guilt for whatever we did or didn’t do eats away at me every single day.
I’m considering running away, but not until next March when I get my license. I want to at least be able to drive. I’m getting my work permit & saving for a car. Any car. If I can get a job, living out of my car won’t be to bad. I forgot money on a field trip once, and that’s when I realized how little one can eat in a day and be fine. I made it the whole day on a dollar and five cents. I just need transportation to get out of this tiney town. I live in Pennsylvania, so I would probably drive to New York City (know one is found there). I probalby won’t do much driving once I’m there because I won’t be able to afford gass money, but it’s a roof over my head. I wrote down my social security number, so I can enroll in a public school there and finish high school. My grandparents have a bank account for college in my name, so after I graduate I’ll come back and get it & go to college. They also have a condo in my name to save money on taxes. Since I technically own it, I could at least get some of the money for it. Once I turn 18 I can claim it. I’ve thought this through completely. My word of advice to all those thinking about going, DON’T GO WITHOUT A PLAN! You can’t just take off after a fight or you’ll be eaten alive. Have a plan, and a back up plan. My back up, if I don’t have enough money to go to college, is to use the college money to fly to Argentina (I speak spanish) and become an ESL teacher. I wanted to teach in Japan, but you need a bachlors degree to get a work visa there. Plan plan plan! If you do run away, you have to know what you’re doing. I’m waiting another year so I won’t have to come back. At that piont though, I might be able to wait out the last year, especially since I’m trying to graduate a semster early. Good luck to all!
I’m barely a teen. I won’t tell you my age, but I’m not in high school, yet. I have read all the posts on this page and I am relating to them. No, I am not a teen who left home once, I have actually been thinking about running away for the past 8 months. I don’t want to leave just because my parents don’t understand me, it’s more than that. You know how parents are supposed to care for you when your sick or injured? My parents don’t care about my health. They just want me to get good grades, be an honor student, go to college, find a respectable job, get married and have kids, just so hey can brag to their friends. You might not believe me but I have actually heard them bragging. I understand how parents think that just because their older and they gave birth to us, they have the right to do or say watever they want, I get it. But I have actually been hit and bullied and told that I am nothing to them. Once, they almost sent me to an orphanage…I have also been told that everybody hates me, though I know my friends care for me. But what hurts the most is how loving they treat my sisters. My sisters are lazy, unappreciative, and rude, yet they are always told that they are angels. Me on the other hand, I get bullied, mistreated, overworked, and unappriciated,(like Cinderella!) then at the end of the day, my parents have the nerve to say a fake, “I love you…”! I don’t understand anymore. I get how they feel, but I just don’t understand. I have been depressed and thought of running away countless times. I live in a small missouri town so I know of no homeless shelters… If anybody could give me advice, here’s my email: animeluvr012@gmail.com
Dear Teri,
I just read your heartbreaking post. I am so very sorry you are going through this. My son has been at an RTC for the past 18 months. Although he still has many issues and is not great at following their rules, I have still seen positive change. We just got back last night from a very nice 5 day visit over Christmas, where he got to go off campus and spend time with us every day. Had he not gone there, I fear he would be dead or in jail by now.
You don’t say what state you are in, or how long before he turns 18. If at all possible, I would try to capture him and have him sent to treatment before he turns 18. There are ways to do this, and there is financial assistance available if you know how to get it. As I said in my original post, we are responsible to try and keep them alive until adulthood, and if their behavior is such that their living to adulthood seems in jeopardy, we need to use all means at our disposal to keep them safe.
If you would like to talk, I am leaving my e-mail address for you. We can exchange phone numbers and I will be happy to help you in any way I can, or just lend an ear.
Best wishes, Beth begargan@yahoo.com
To Zoe: Please don’t run away!! As much as you may feel your parents aren’t understanding you and don’t seem to care, they do!! I don’t know what your background is or what you are experiencing but trust me…your parents care and understand more than you think they do! Again, this is only taken from the basic paragraph you posted. If however you are being abused physically and/or emotionally, then that is a whole different story and you SHOULD seek help. However, if you are wanting to leave because you feel your parents just don’t understand you or care than you might want to rethink what your actions may cause as a result of running. I’m a parent of a runaway and it’s been SO very hard without him. Had he just sat down with me and explained his feelings as difficult as that would’ve been, we wouldn’t be here today. I love my son so very much and am so concerned about him!! We parents are like you teens…we are new to the whole growing up just like you and sometimes we make mistakes. Again, I’m not sure what all you’re going through so I am solely going off what I am/have been going throught with my 17-year-old son.
I wish you only the very best and please….PLEASE reconsider leaving. Talk to your parents, as difficult as it is!! Even if they don’t listen…in the end it’s about your life. You need a high school degree for anything in life and of anything, use this time to focus on that and then if there’s still no communication with your parents, at least you have your degree and you can make something happen for YOU. The end result is that you can survive in this harsh world. If you want to be out there in this world and be an adult, then you have to unfortunately deal with all it’s pressures as well…including bills, a job, paying rent, etc. Not preaching, promise…just trying to hopefully let you know the grass isn’t always greener.
~A Scared Parent
i want to runaway from my home cuz my parents dont understand me
nd theyr tryin 2 change my school because im different than them and they cant handle it what should i do
Right on, Beth!!! You said it perfectly!!! I have a 17-yr-old son who ran away 6 weeks ago now and it’s been such an emotional rollercoaster for his Dad & I. I won’t go into detail as our story is long. Bottom line is he wants to do what he wants when he wants at any cost. He went from an honor roll student in all of his years through 8th grade to a straight “F” student by the end of the 9th. To finally getting kicked out of school this year, what would’ve been his graduating year. He was always into sports and we cherished going to all of his games cheering him on. Shocked isn’t even the word to describe his transformation into this person he’s become! He now hangs out with a bunch of skateboarders…drinking, drugs, stealing, lying, etc. I’ve sent him emails, called all of his friends, called the police…you name it, we’ve tried it to get him home. Coincidentally I ran into him outside one of his favorite clothing stores last night as I was Christmas shopping for him in hopes that he would come home. It was extremely hard for me to do as all I wanted to do was grab him and run or call the police but I didn’t want to ruin my one and possibly only chance to talk him into coming home by causing a scene. I hugged him and told him how much his Dad & I love him and just want him home. He said he was doing “great” and “always has money in his pocket” (from washing his friends cars) and that he likes “having complete freedom to do what he wants”. I asked him how long he thought he could live like this and he just shrugged. I’ve checked his myspace & emails and he tells people nothing but lies (that we kicked him out, he has no home to go to, his parents abandoned him, etc.). Talk about painful to read!!! We love our son unconditionally and just want him home. It’s one thing growing up and being independent with the tools to know how to be. It’s a whole other thing when you’re mooching off others & calling it “being free”. It is one of THE most painful things to watch your smart, funny, creative, happy child literally throwing his future down the tubes just to be cool and hang out with his friends.
Hey Anonymous!
What do you want to be free to do? Drugs? Drink? Not go to school? Just hang with your friends? No, your parents do not “own” you, but it is our responsibility to make sure you live to be an adult–sorry to say, many of the actions of runaway teens put them in great danger–it is my job as a parent to protect my child, even if that means protecting him from his own actions. We WANT you to be independent too–but panhandling at Venice Beach or some other such place is NOT independence–you are just mooching off society, mooching off people who contribute. We are trying to help you get the skills and experience you need to be truly independent. Think we want you living with us when you are 30, because you spent your teen years living “free” and cannot support yourself or are burned out on drugs? Geesh!
people dont realize that there teens want to be free of the unreasonable restrictions their parents force on them. they are overrbearing and overprotective, trying to keep you from what you love and what you want to do. that is why teens runaway. foolishly though, they often stay in the same town, county or state.if you want to succeed, you have to leave the comforts of you home city. police are involved enough in other affairs, do not mess with my will to be free. it doesnt matter your age, your parents do NOT own you. you are as free as you want to be. your nature of restriction will only create a stronger want for independence.
He did not want to be found! He wanted to live his life in California and you should have respected that! He found a place to stay and you took it from him! Sounds like he was doing just fine; you should have left him alone! I am 15 and I have run away from home only to be ruthlessly captured and and taken back “home” against my will. Nobody has ever respected my desire to escape the life which I am forced to live and the place I am forced to call home. I hope this website helped other runaways learn how to be more careful and avoid being caught.
Wow James, very powerful comment. Thank you. I am very interested in your story. I agree with you on every point, the biggest issue to be dealt with is why they are running away. Thank you so much for your comment.
Unfortunately, runaways are not a priority in any police department in any part of this nation. The only time they become a priority is when the particular runaway becomes a high-profile case such as when he or she is the offspring of a celebrity or politician or if the runaway embarks of a crime spree.
Youth in this country are probably one of our most important assets and yet we, as a nation, do little to protect and nurture them. The exception would be grassroots organizations, non-profits and the like. Government agencies could care less about troubled youth.
Deeper still are the issues behind why children run away from home in the first place. It isn’t always broken homes that they come from, or impoverished ones, either. I know from some very personal experience.
If you’d like to read a very interesting account, inspired by actual events, of life on the streets, try reading “Where Do the Children Go? A Runaway’s Story” ~ I penned it based upon personal experiences as a runaway over twenty years ago. Mind you, I didn’t have myspace, the internet or a cell phone to keep in touch with friends secretly back in those days. Surviving out there isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be and these runaway youths face some very real dangers on America’s mean streets.
Law enforecement really ought to take a deeper interest in finding these kids before they are dealing with the problems created by their homelessness and abandon.
Wow, that is quite the list. The two that strike me as odd are the runaway teens giving you advice and him checking his MySpace page.
I do have to say he sounds very resourceful which will serve him well, but hopefully in a more stable way in the future.