Lunch With My Homeless Son

My son left our home over a month ago to live on the streets. Today I had lunch with him, the first time I was with him in a few weeks. Before we met I was really excited about it, usually I am apprehensive, but today I was just happy to spend time with him, even if his fingernails are dirty, his clothes are smelly and his hair is dull.

We had agreed beforehand to meet at a specific place at a specific time. One hour before we were supposed to meet I received a text message from him that he was safe, and in a town about five miles from where we planned to meet. Since the text did not come from his phone, I sent one back immediately reminding him of the time and place we were planning to meet. He sent a text back that he could not get there in time, I text for him to call me.

He could have easily blown me off, but I did not want that to happen and told him I would come to where he was and pick him up. We agreed to meet in a grocery store parking lot at noon. The minute he opened the car door and said hello it was great to see him, even if he did smell. I promised myself I would not say anything derogatory or judgmental.

The  highlights for me of our time together was my ability to respect him and what he was doing even if I did not approve. Not judging and learning how to listen. Catching myself when I would fall into old patterns, which is so easy to do.

Then we had to decide where to go, but due to his state of appearance it makes it very difficult to go into a restaurant and have a leisurely lunch. He likes sushi and so do I, so we went to the local market, picked up  sushi to go for a picnic. I brought the dog so we went to a park where we could all “be off our leashes”. I did notice how people stared at him in the market, which made me sad due to his state of un-cleanliness.

The conversation at lunch was good. We talked about what it was like living on the street, who the people were he lived with, what he planned to do in the future and what would have to change to get there. I worked hard at listening, trying to be supportive, not going deep and not getting caught up in any one comment he made. I also did not want to focus all the attention on him and tried to find other subjects to talk about.

We were together for about 90 minutes,  I drove him back to where I picked him up, he saw two of his buddies walking down the path, I gave him a hug and told him I loved him, twice. Like I said in the beginning he could have easily cancelled but I do feel that he still wants to be connected. I really do love that kid.

Here is a message of hope I received from a very wise friend Dore:

“We all have expectations and dreams for our kids – and we get sad when our dreams are not coming true. We have to change to what is happening rather than hanging on to what we wanted to happen. Our kids paths are not our paths and we have to let them travel .”

Now I have tears in my eyes.

Tagged as: homeless, lunch, mom, patience