It has been over a week since my son discharged from residential treatment. I really must count my blessings at how well it has gone. Even though at times I have blown it, with “fear based thinking” as I lay awake at night with worry and want to check his room to see if he is still there. Whatever they tell you, there is no way to truly prepare you for how much of an adjustment it is going to be transitioning your teen back home. During the time my son was in treatment, I spent a lot of the time feeling guilty that we sent him away. Once I experienced the positive changes I knew that we had done the right thing. At least when they are in treatment, they are contained and you know they are not getting into trouble. If your teen is in treatment this is the time for you to relax, know they are in a safe place, because no matter what one day they will return.
Now the decisions and consequences are up to him to make right choices arise and trusting that he can do it. I am also learning to be supportive without being controlling, after all he is 17 and will be 18 in eight months. There is such a fine line and it is easy to cross over when you feel like you are being supportive and it comes across as control. I will share with you some of the exciting and scary experiences from this past week. This is only a handful of the changes that have been made.
- The New School-Senior High School
After much thought we have decided to put him into a private school that is a 20 minute drive from our home, he will be completing his Senior Year. The great thing about this school is each students program is individual and they work with a teacher one on one per subject. On Tuesday we went there for a preliminary visit and he hated it. After much conversation, he said he would give it a try. Thursday he went for his first class, he is taking American Literature and his teacher approved reading a book by Chuck Palahniuk. If you know his books they are pretty bazaar to say the least, but I have to give the teacher credit for being accepting and knowing what battles to fight, I guess he can read Hemingway later. The teacher received tons of brownie points for a successful first meeting and he is now excited to return.
- Fellowship and Meetings
During is placement in treatment he told us he would not attend any kind of AA / NA meetings when he returned home. They had mandatory CD (chemical dependency) classes at the RTC and he hated them. He has attended an NA meeting almost everyday and one day maybe two meetings. I am really impressed with the NA (Narcotics Anonymous) program in our area, they are a very active group and also have many social activities. Then my fearful mind being the skeptic wonders why he was attending so many meetings, I have been manipulated in the past. Now I feel and see the support he is honestly attending.This morning I went to my first Alanon meeting in many months and have decided that I will attend a meeting a week, for myself and to support him in his sobriety. - A Job
This is the most amazing story of all; on Friday he got a real job. This is his gift for all the hard work, positive efforts he has made, which I will forever be grateful that he has this opportunity. The beauty of this gift was it came so naturally and this is the story. I was having lunch with one of my clients, and he started to share with me his experiences with his oldest son and how he had to send him away to Wilderness and then to a boarding school during his high school years. He did not have a clue what I had been going through the past 2 years. As he told his story, in the back of my mind I was confused and trying to figure out what do I share about myself and my story? I am very guarded when it comes to what I share with those around me, especially my clients. But I decided to not hold back and I explained I just returned from at trip to Utah to bring my son home after 2 years in treatment. He was surprised and told me he had no idea that we were going through this, looked at me and said “do you want me to give him a job”. My jaw dropped, I did not know what to say and could hardly believe what I was hearing. Especially since now he knew that my son was troubled. Then he told me he would have to take a pee test, could he pass it? I returned home mentioned this opportunity to my son. At first he was a bit resistant, then we talk about the environment he would be working in, the money and the rest is now history. He will be working 20 hours a week and starts Monday.I could now choose to worry about the job. There is always something to worry about. Will he be successful? Will he embarrass me? My client knows what he is getting into and he is doing it because he cares, I feel so lucky to have the support.
His schedule is full, with school, meetings and work. This is not anything I could have planned or organized before he got home. It has not all been sugar coated and it takes work, but I have to thank my higher power for giving us these gifts. God truly does work in mysterious ways. I still have fearful thoughts and I am learning to push them away. I am also learning they may always be there.
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I hope it is not too much too fast. But I do think it is important that he is busy. He appears to be very calm and I think ithat is a good sign.
Wow – all that in less than two weeks. What a giant leap into a new life. Reminds me of that Indiana Jones movie where they have to make it on faith across a ravine. Keep up the good work – all of you. God bless.
It’s amazing when we find unexpected connections, isn’t it? I wouldn’t worry too much about the embarrassment factor…your client understands because he has been there. I hope he continues to do well. Life with troubled kids is very, very hard…
I am glad he is doing so well. You sound like you are doing great in the support department. Just keep it up. God Bless,
It’s a big step to change our thinking and decision making from fear-based. I’ve been guilty of it myself as it pertains to our most “risk-tolerant” child. I applaud you in being intentional about it, and encourage you to put that energy into something else (like prayer).
What a gift from your client…and I don’t even mean the job, but the acceptance and understanding. Just as you have compassion towards others with “troubled teens”, it’s apparent he does as well.
Very glad to see that everything is moving in the right direction!
Doing the happy dance here
I think it sounds like it has gone amazingly well. The one-on-one school – awesome choice. The meetings – woot! The job and your client – God sends. Having success in just one of these areas would have been great so soon home, but all three is incredible. I pray that he will see and feel this success and this will motivate him to continue to make good choices.
How lucky you are to have such a positive experience. I know it is hard to learn to trust again but sometimes that is the only option. I also feel that if you give trust (most the time) you get it back.