Subtitle: Handling Life’s Challenges
I started seeing a therapist three months ago, I made the appointment before my son discharged from residential treatment and came back home to live with us. It was a preventative measure to help me take care of myself, I knew it would be challenging and wanted to have a relationship with someone to bounce ideas off. It was a wise idea because she has been very helpful through the more challenging times and I am grateful to have the resource. She never really tells me what to do, but gives me ideas, some positive feedback and helps me to relax and see things differently. She has also recommended Al-anon, and I attend one meeting a week. I do not see the therapist that often, maybe twice a month but every time I visit it has not been wasted time or money.
I saw her yesterday, with two teens in the house, there is usually some issue going on between one or the other. At times I feel we are somewhat dysfunctional and should have a family meeting. But at the same time I do not feel like I had the tools to facilitate a productive meeting. During our session she gave me some pointers on how to go about it; using the I statements and discuss the issues I feel are causing problems with our family functioning and why it is not working. Communication is important and if we don’t talk about the rules of the house how are our teens going to know what to obey. We do have a home contract with my older son, but nothing in writing for the younger one and may not need one but I am in the process of working on how to put together a positive family meeting.
She recommended the book “Parent Effectiveness Training” I thought I knew or had heard of all the parenting books there were to have. After all my kids are teenagers I should be done purchasing parenting books, but then I broke down and thought for $15.00 if I get one good parenting tip or skill it is worth it to me. Effective parenting I am beginning to realize may be a life long skill I need to work on.
Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children by Thomas Gordon
If any of you have read the book or have an effective way of running family meetings please share what works and what has not. My goal now is to prevent the fires before they happen or to be better equipped in handling life’s challenges.
For more recommended reading see the list of parenting books for teens. Surprisingly, his one is not on the list.
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My wife and I have carefully studies the PET book back in the 70′s, and used its principles to raise 3 children. The PET book I regard as the most important book I have ever read, and it changed the way I would have interacted with my children. PET has reduced the stress level in our family to very low levels, particularly in the teen years. My children have made comparisons with their friends in their teen years, and greatly appreciate that we have used the PET approach. They are grown up now, and they are successful and happy. I personally think that if more parents would use PET, the world would become a better place.
You were so smart to get involved with counseling, too. These are family problems. They have an impact on everyone. It sounds like you’re already gaining some new skills and insights, too. Congratulations!
glad to hear you have found someone to bounce ideas off of and to find some support for yourself… I can’t wait to hear what you learn from this book and if others have read it…