http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ supporting families with troubled teen issues en-US Thu, 09 Feb 2012 10:32:07 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/search.php http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/pot-on-the-horizonnow-what-do-i-do#post-185 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 05:56:47 +0000 AlmostPerfect 185@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>So, I have suspected for several months that my 15 y/o son has been up to something. His grades have sharply dropped, he doesn't do his normal chores, at least, not without a major dispute first, and he just seems completely aloof to the world. I tried to chalk it up to Freshman year, the age, etc.<br /> Last night I finally got him to open up to me. Somehow I managed to keep a straight and relatively blank face, as he told me that he lost his virginity at 12 (YES 12!!!), and has had a few sexual experiences since then.<br /> His next revelation, though more disturbing and less shocking to me, was that he has, in fact, been smoking weed. He says it's just 'sometimes, and on weekends only'. As if that makes it all okay.<br /> I have no idea where to go from here. On one hand, he finally trusted me enough to tell me the truth. On the other hand, I can't just let it go, of course.<br /> If I tell his step-dad (the only male in his life), he will come unglued. My husband and I have very different ideas about child-rearing. He will undoubtedly do or say whatever is the worst possible reaction to the news. It's just his way.<br /> I am at a loss though. I was a horrible teen. World's Worst. I did all the bad things you hope to never go through. My parents definitely did NOT do the right things to help me. I admit, I don't know what the right things would have been, But it didn't happen. I cleaned up my act by myself when I was 17 and got pregnant (with my now 15 y/o trouble maker).<br /> I have lived in fear and dread of the day I found out my son, who used to be so very very perfect, was acting like I used to. And now I am in a blind panic. I don't know if I should punish him, ground him, allow natural consequences to follow, lecture him...etc. I thought about just permanently grounding him from going out on weekends, since he says that's when he smokes. I know when I was a teen, I was always grounded. It just taught me to sneak out and do worse things. I though about not allowing him to join Track and Field this spring, but I think he really needs the many good things that an organizes sport offers. The rigorous schedule, the coach to take him in, the camaraderie, the activity to keep him busy.... however, that will cost us $400.00 to put him in, and I know my hubby isn't going to feel that the kiddo has earned that kind of entitlement.<br /> He of course receives allowance for doing his chores every two weeks. Should I take that away? He says he's not buying pot, just smoking w his friends.<br /> And he will be volunteering this summer at a kids day camp like he did last year. They of course have a zero tolerance policy. If he doesn't do that though, he will sit home with freedom all summer long. Not to mention the possibility of a learners permit in May. Well, that's def not going to happen at this point.<br /> Seriously, all this still boils down to: WHAT DO I DO TO GET MY KID NOT TO SMOKE POT OR PUSH THE ENVELOPE FURTHER???<br /> (Btw, he's done all the drug-free/anti-drug school programs, abstinence programs, etc. We have not been lax on trying to prepare him and talk about these things before he entered the teen years. It just apparently made no difference!)<br /> Any help will help!<br /> Thanks for reading,</p> <p>AlmostPerfect's AlmostPerfect Mom... HA! </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/inexpensive-programs-for-troubled-teens#post-186 Tue, 10 Jan 2012 10:39:28 +0000 gamom 186@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I have a 17 year old daughter who is out of control. She is skipping school, not doing homework, smoking, drinking, hanging out with kids who may have gang associations, possibly using drugs and having sex. She's abusive to my two younger girls and to myself. She is shoplifting, and running away from home for three and four days at a time. The police tell me that they can't do anything when she runs aways because of her age and the fact that she always comes back. But she comes back to make life miserable for the rest of us. She is constantly destructing items in my home, and she has even gone so far as to hit her sisters and myself.</p> <p>I would love to send her to a boarding school for a treatment program, but I am finding that the programs are too expensive. $800 a month is the cheapest I could find! Because of the economy I was forced to take a huge pay cut when I got laid off and found a different job, and I don't have the money to send her to get the help she needs. </p> <p>Does anyone know of a program where tuition is free, inexpensive, or possibly covered with a scholarship? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/teen-rehab-in-california#post-175 Sun, 18 Dec 2011 14:32:59 +0000 stephaniej 175@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My 15 yr old daughter needs residential rehab - is struggling to remain sober from drugs and alcohol. She is attending a sober school and going to NA meetings but just fell off her 30 day clean with drinking. Our insurance is Blue Cross Healthy Families which doesn't seem to cover anything. Has anyone had success finding inhouse treatment somewhere in California? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/im-21-and-i-have-a-16-yo-help#post-103 Thu, 29 Sep 2011 22:17:33 +0000 Adriel90 103@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>How you ask? Well long story short: his mother abandoned him and left to another state. I took him in around March of this year.</p> <p> Anyway, what I need help with is his grades. When I took him in, I transferred him to a high school closer to my home. His grades were very bad, which is understandable due to his terrible home life with his inept mother. At the end of the year, I found out he failed 4 of his classes! I almost considered having him get his GED but his mother needs to approve that and she's kind of unavailable.</p> <p> He was a sophomore then and he would be a junior now but was reclassified as a sophomore because he failed so many classes. I moved past that and just told him to focus on his classes now and move forward. I really thought that he would do better this year because he's a lot happier, but his grades are still terrible! He's failing two classes already and barely passing the rest, even Spanish class, and I know Spanish so he could ask me for help. At least he has a B in Algebra, which is truly amazing.</p> <p> How do I motivate him to do better? I even gave him a cell phone recently. Should I take that away? It's hard being a friend/brother/dad all rolled into one. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/a-former-resident#post-176 Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:29:11 +0000 PastResident 176@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I'm 24, and I still have nightmares about being locked up and a fear of constantly being watched as well as major trust issues from being lied to by staff that have affected many of my personal relationships since then.</p> <p>Remember to talk to the average kids there, they are the people your child will be around. It's very important to understand who your child's peers will be, I ended up living with a bunch of coke-heads with serious addictions (I only smoked pot occasionally), I learned a lot about drugs, and that influenced who I identified with when I left at 18.</p> <p>If you only talk to the hand-picked group the facility puts together for you, you are getting a seriously skewed view of what happens and what life is like. Almost any child you talk to will be scared to say anything questionable about the facility: speaking freely can easily make life more difficult for them.</p> <p>Don't ever lie to your child about anything when you send them away. The whole point is open communication, and anything you do to compromise that can seriously affect any trust they have with anyone in the future. DON'T EVER PROMISE TO BRING YOUR CHILD HOME AND FAIL TO FOLLOW THROUGH! NOTHING IS MORE PSYCHOLOGICALLY DAMAGING AND DISHEARTENING!</p> <p>Being in a lockdown facility can really, truly hurt for a long time. If you think you have no other choice, make sure you do some serious research, there is nothing worse than finding out that your parents don't know everything about where they have sent you.</p> <p>Even the best of these facilities have had fatalities, and have faced multiple lawsuits. Keep in mind the vast majority of them are profit-driven (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspen_Education_Group">Aspen Education Group</a> comes to mind, they are owned by Bain Capitol, and investment banking company, and own many, many programs) and as such are out there to get your attention, sell themselves, and make moeny just like any other business.</p> <p>I DO NOT BENEFIT IN ANY WAY BY THE CHOICE YOU MAKE, UNLIKE THESE COMPANIES I DO NOT GET A PAYCHECK BY WRITING THIS. I wrote this because of what I have experienced and what I believe because of it. However, the people who will encourage you to send them away make a living and a paycheck by doing so, and will warn you that there are people like me who are against these programs and should be ignored. Again, I don't benefit from typing this. I'm just trying to stop other people from having to suffer the way I did. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/girls-only-res-treatment-centers#post-171 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 05:48:46 +0000 Sue 171@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hi, am searching for a high quality therapy-oriented RTC for a 13 year old girl, anxiety, depression, sexually acting out and looks mature for age. Good student who functions well outside family until, but she ran away once and may do it again. Locked unit is preferable.<br /> I'm considering Sunrise, Kolob Canyon and Moonridge. Any opinions on these RTCs or any others I should know about? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/he-is-coming-back-home-i-have-mixed-feelings#post-170 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 12:42:13 +0000 lnewcomb 170@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>This has been a journey for me since 2007 when we put our son in a recovery program which included IOP (intensive out-patient). He eventually went to rehab for a month. He was in the recovery program for what seemed like 2 long years. Prior to his entering the recovery program we took him out of public school and I home-schooled him because his grades had dropped and he entered a period of 'dark' moods and depression. He became withdrawn and had explosive moods. Several psychiatrists later and medications that included anti-depressants, mood stabilizers (that did not work) we ended up in the recovery program. He had admitted to regular drug abuse as well as smoking. His 'DOC' (drug of choice) is pills: everything from amphetamines (ADHD meds), cough/cold medications, 'bars', etc. His sleep pattern is basically sleeping during the day and up all night. He has always had trouble sleeping. He has been diagnosed as bipolar-depressive. Those two years in the recovery program were difficult, but the best years too for our family because he was in recovery and we had a wonderful support group of other families in recovery.<br /> I became an active member of Al-Anon also and this helped me get through some difficult times. There is much I am grateful for at this time. Mostly, that he is alive. But his emotional and mental health is not good. I am grateful that he is in college, but it has been a rollercoaster. His love is music and this is what he buries himself in. He creates beautiful music and sells some online on various music sites. Any extra money he gets, he puts into his computer programs and marketing of his music online.<br /> He decided he wanted to go to a state university about 6 hours away from us. I cannot stress enough how peaceful things have been with him gone. And yet, I miss him. I worry about him. Of course, at college, he has freedoms and as of late, his latest rants include how marijuana needs to be legalized. He is very open about using weed.<br /> This Thanksgiving was good up until the time he left. He needed to be at the bus station at 1 pm and this meant us leaving at noon since the station is an hour away from us. It was 11:55 and he still hadn't gotten up after already giving him a wakeup call at 11 a.m. I gave him the 5 min. to departure call and he blew up. This is par for the course for him. The next thing we knew we heard banging in his room and he was yelling F-bombs. His siblings were in the living room (all teens) and they just became quiet unsure what to do listening to the chaos in the next room. Eventually he came out and hollered at us for needing to leave. I was upset and was crying by then. He was frustrated and said that we should know him better by now and realize that he is 'grumpy' in the morning. I did raise my voice and told him that I was tired of tiptoeing around him in the morning. He said we didn't have to tiptoe. I gave him that morning at the example of what happens when we don't tiptoe.<br /> We have been dealing with this type of attitude with him for a long time. He apologizes and the cycle begins again. I know he has mental health and emotional issues. It is very difficult dealing with his outbursts. I am emotionally drained with his blaming us.<br /> He is coming home because he says it didn’t work out for him this semester at the state university. He talks about his plans and I don’t want to be pessimistic, but I just don’t believe him. I want ‘this time’ to be ‘the one’ where he gets his act together. But I am exhausted at hoping when he shares about his plans. I just feel better when I don’t hope – I know this sounds strange.<br /> I want him to come home, but I don’t want the drama that he brings to come home. I want to be the supportive parent, but I don’t want to be subjected to his abusive attitude and language. I feel he should be on his own, but I don’t know how to go about this because we live in a small town and there isn’t much in the way of places to live. He wants to attend the local community college and then go off to another larger state university that is closer in the fall. I have such mixed emotions about him coming home. He turns 20 in six months.<br /> Any advice is appreciated. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/electronic-or-e-cigarettes-and-teen-usage#post-164 Wed, 23 Nov 2011 16:22:54 +0000 admin 164@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I just found e Cigarettes in my sons bedroom. I had never heard of them before and do not know anything about them. I did look it up on the internet and supposedly they can be used to help quit smoking. What do you know about eCigarettes? I am also wondering if there may be some drug abuse with them. </p> <p>Any information would be helpful. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/birth-control-my-teen-wont-use-it#post-150 Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:37:14 +0000 ktmiota 150@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I am the foster mom of a 19 year old very delayed girl. She has been with us for 3 years and has made a lot of progress, but has reached her developmental stage, which I estimate varies between 9-13 years old. But she's hormonally 19 and is now sexually active.</p> <p>Several months ago, we put her on Depo (the birth control shot) before she became sexually active, so we could be proactive and not fight a battle once she had sex. Well, she is not refusing to go get her booster shot. She wants to try something different, which we are totally fine with, but is not an option until she sees her doctor which will be 6 weeks from now. We are trying to convince her to get 1 more shot so she's covered, but she simply refuses.</p> <p>She has all the risk factors for teen pregnancy: neglected her whole life and looking for something to own, something to love her unconditionally; low self-esteem; very few friends; dirt bag sexual partner who just uses her for sex yet she "loves"; longing to be like her mother, who had a baby at 19; succumbs to peer pressure easily.</p> <p>My husband and I have only been married 1 year and we are not financially, emotionally or mentally willing or able to care for her baby. It's simply our bottom line that she must be protected and if she refuses, she will not be able to live with us. </p> <p>Any advice to help us convince her without resorting to kicking her out? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/unusual-opportunity-for-help-with-your-teens#post-142 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 16:03:35 +0000 supernanny 142@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Please, please forgive me if this in any way violates the terms of your forum. I was doing some research on teen behavior for our show, and I came across your posts. I couldn't help but think many of you might want to know about this opportunity. </p> <p>I'm with the TV show, "SuperNanny," or newly called "America's SuperNanny." In the past we've focused on younger children, but this year we have a new American nanny who is especially experienced in the teen/preteen age bracket. And she is amazing! People are having a very positive experience with her. Anyway, if any of you are at your wits end and need to explore creative avenues, then do get in touch with me immediately. We have almost finished with casting for this season, but have room to consider one more family. </p> <p>You can email me directly at <a href="mailto:gmarks@shedmediaus.com">gmarks@shedmediaus.com</a></p> <p>Thanks for your time! All the best to you all! </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/at-wits-end-and-need-refs-for-wildnerness-or-boarding-schools#post-77 Sat, 09 Jul 2011 14:41:09 +0000 mrod 77@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I am writing to get help with my 16 yr old daughter because her mother and I have observed en escalation in her negative behavior. She resists basic family rules and expectations. She has had a drop in school grades and is verbally abusive. She associates with a negative peer group and has lost interest in former productive activities, such as hobbies and sports. It is difficult to get our daughter to do simple household chores or homework without a major fight and she has displayed violent behavior. She has been manipulative and deceitful as well as seems to lack motivation. We have noted that she has taken things (including money) from brother and us without asking. She seems to lack self-esteem and has had problems with authority. It seems that no matter what rules and consequences are established, she defies them often leaving us to feel powerless. We have had her in counseling over the past several yrs and twice a week counseling over the past several months but the situation is getting worse. She has begun experimenting with drugs and/or alcohol and we are concerned that she may be sexually promiscuous. </p> <p>We are concerned about her safety and about the negative impact of her behavior on her younger brother and sister. We want to find out about our options including wilderness schools and boarding schools for teens with these problems. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/i-have-no-ideaaa-what-to-do-with-him#post-105 Fri, 21 Oct 2011 10:41:50 +0000 shelb7410 105@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My boyfriend of 17, feels like he has the upper hand. He disrespects he father and his father's girlfriend, of two 1/2 years. Everything he does has to be "Jeremy's way" and if it isn't ... there isn't and 'isn't'. It's always his way. And on top of that he's addicted to weed. He can say he's not a million times. But I asked him to give it up... he said he's willing to give it up for a month but he has to have it once a day to get to sleep... he's addicted, even his doctor suggested therapy to get him off of it. I feel like the weed is more in control of him then he is of himself. Today, he got in school suspension for being tardy multiple times. He told them why give me an in-school when I can take care of things at home. So his dad's girlfriend picked him up, and for the first time he had consequences. He wasn't used to these types of punishments, such as stay home for the rest of the day and his phone was shut off. He doesn't know how to handle this since he has always got his way and knows how to convince people very easily.His guardians try to give him responsibility, but he takes advantage of it. Dad's girlfriend, Patty, thinks of him as her own son and asks very little of him (no smoking on the porch or cars, take out trash, put dirty clothes in basket,ect.) but he can't even do these little things and it's very disrespectful. She's very easy to get along with and talk to, but the way he acts makes her want to change. She's very sweet and I don't want to see her change, but how can my Jeremy change ? What do we need to do to make him change? I need the help before he ends up going down the wrong road.<br /> 37 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/my-daughter#post-99 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 05:25:04 +0000 blanky 99@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My 15 year old decided that she didn't want to live with us anymore, so she moved in with my husbands brother and his wife. This caused a massive argument between my husband and his brother, and now my husband is saying that while she is living there that she can see me, but she is not to see the other kids or him. Frankly I think that he is being grossly unfair to the other kids, basically punishing them for something that is not their fault.</p> <p>Problem is, I told her tonight that she can come around on monday afternoon and get her school stuff, but now I don't think that I should let her, because its going to cause a blaring argument between myself and my husband, and my little kids are already upset (9&amp;4) and they don't need that on top of everything else.</p> <p>What do I do? My eldest is already a mess, she's depressed, has anxiety attacks, and tonight she cut herself (on purpose). My husband is just so pigheaded and obstinate sometimes, it's so hard. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/cant-find-any-solutions-for-my-son#post-98 Tue, 20 Sep 2011 05:31:38 +0000 brokenns 98@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hi! I live in NS Canada and for the past year almost, I have been fighting a never ending battle. My son is progressively getting worse. He is a young 17 and in grade 11(for now) which thus far has been a struggle. He lives with his father and has been spoiled rotten and given too much freedom. Well, that freedom is destroying his life. Now that his father is trying to place rules upon him(which is far too late at 17) he is not liking it. He has gone from one couch to another all summer and never came home at all. He has no motivation to work and has zero work ethic. To my understanding he is smoking cigarettes, pot and what he calls popz(hash oil in a cigarette?). He will not take No for an answer from anyone so feels being out on his own would be better. The only problem is his father did not provide him with the tools to survive. He never had a chore, was handed $20 bills on regular basis and more. He is very unhealthy. He cannot finish a meal without feeling and sometimes getting sick. I tried to get help for him but he will not go willingly and no one in my area will help. At times over the years he believed he would like to live with me, but in the end always realized Mom had rules so would stay with his Dad. His Dad never spent a lot of time with him, just showered him with money and gifts. Anyway, he will not return home and wants to live at a friends( someone who also has a shady past). What am I going to do to help my child. I am broken and every door I try to knock, they cannot help me. I am desperate for answers. Please any advice would be appreciated. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/troubled-teen-moving-in-help#post-22 Fri, 22 Oct 2010 23:39:02 +0000 ms1977 22@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My 13 year old step daughter is moving into our home full time. Her mom kicked her out because of her behavior, and is not willing to seek help for her in any way. We have tried for years to encourage counseling and having her assessed, but our hands have been tied because we live 300 miles away and only see her a few weekends a month.<br /> We are glad that we will finally be able to pursue helping her, but feel that her behavior is too extreme for counseling alone. She is extremely defiant, has anger issues, low self-esteem, is very manipulative, lies, steals, is abusive, and gets depressed. We've been considering RTC's as a last resort if we can't get her behavior turned around, but there are so many to choose from! Can anyone recommend a facility that is geared towards teens with similar problems? I'd also love to hear any suggestions for getting her immediate help and having her behavior evaluated. Thanks! </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/depression-cure#post-76 Fri, 08 Jul 2011 20:07:23 +0000 zealousmom 76@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I have read this and want to share it to parents and kids too.........<br /> Depression cure summary: Here are some changes you can make now to become a happier person:</p> <p> Be true to yourself<br /> Look to the present, drop the future worry and the past regret<br /> Focus on positives not negatives<br /> Give yourself permission to move forward<br /> Work on your self confidence and self esteem.<br /> Make a list of everything that you are thankful for now in your life</p> <p>My son when he underwent depression a year ago, I tried to question myself and nagged him a lot. Then we came to a compromise then he joined teen boot camp, it did good to him.<br /> Hope this will work on you too. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/sending-your-teen-back-to-treatment-after-they-have-been-discharged#post-72 Mon, 20 Jun 2011 20:18:31 +0000 admin 72@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I received a note today from a parent asking what I thought of sending a teen back into residential treatment after they had been discharged. </p> <p>Most important I don't give advice since I am not really qualified to do that but I can tell you my experience.</p> <p>We did send our son back to residential treatment after he had been discharged. We brought him back to our home state to attend a step down program and hopefully ready him to return home. He AWOL'ed from that program and we immediately sent him back to the program in Utah once he was found. I know that other kids have also had to return after discharge.<br /> If this is something you are contemplating it might help to talk with his past therapist at the program you want to send him back to. Let them know what you are experiencing. Since they knew your son while he was in the program they may be able to help you make a decision. </p> <p>I know how difficult these decisions can be. If they are acting out or displaying risky behaviors it may be in their best interest to return to some program. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/teenage-son-ranaway#post-69 Tue, 31 May 2011 14:45:36 +0000 coogs100 69@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My teenaage son, 16 1/2 has "moved" out. I say moved out because in his mind he's done living with us, and 4 sisters. he feels like he doesn't belong and should live somewhere else. He is still going to scholl on his own, not sure if he has gotten a job. We haven't heard form him in over a week, Our concern is should we force him home, list him as a runaway(he will just leave again), can we be charged with neglect if we do nothing? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/family-environment-study#post-68 Mon, 23 May 2011 10:43:30 +0000 sheehan-fisher 68@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>You are invited to participate in a research study about parenting.</p> <p>Parents and their teenage children (13 -17 yrs old) are invited to participate in a research study about parenting of teens conducted by researchers at the University of Iowa. Parents and teens will be asked to answer three sets of questionnaires over 6 months. Teens must be living with parents for the first three months of the study. </p> <p>Compensation will be provided.</p> <p>For additional information about the study and to see if you qualify, parents should contact Sheehan D. Fisher:</p> <p>Phone: (732) 693-9047 (preferred); (319) 335-0307 (office)<br /> Email: <a href="mailto:sheehan-fisher@uiowa.edu">sheehan-fisher@uiowa.edu</a>. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/experienced-parent-seeking-interviews-with-similar-parents#post-18 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 18:31:10 +0000 sfree3 18@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Dear friends,<br /> I am a now a frequent-flyer in the world of residential therapeutic treatment, having two children in this world. I am also an executive coach. I am feeling a very strong pull towards working with adults of children in residential therapeutic programs who want to overcome their struggles and isolation so they can live their lives with renewed joy, purpose and connection.<br /> I am looking to interview a few parents to listen and learn about their vantage points and challenges. It is simply an opportunity for me to listen and glean if there is value to help others in similar circumstances.<br /> If you are interested, please reply to me at <a href="mailto:susan@headsupperformance.com">susan@headsupperformance.com</a>, the company where my practice is currently living.<br /> I welcome the chance to learn from your wisdom. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/old-news-not-sure-ive-forgiven-impossible-to-forget#post-61 Fri, 15 Apr 2011 04:28:51 +0000 candrews922 61@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Well I hope this might enlighten some parents. I just need to get it out. My oldest daughter is now 22. When she was 15 almost 16 she put into motion a "Child Protective Services" investigation of our home. She had gone to the school guidance office, after I had taken her to school, because she had missed the bus as usual, and we had been discussing future discipline. She had been missing school a lot, and being tardy. She had hated school since elementary. She is smart, but more creative than academic, and had trouble making friends. The social aspect became her primary focus, which was bad for her. She started competing in Speech and Debate in high school. Something she excelled at. Yet she didn't do her school work and had poor attendance. She would miss school, and still want to compete in the speech and debate competitions. To make a long story shorter. I was telling her she was going to have to make some changes, if she still wanted to go to the competitions. We hadn't gotten to what those changes would be. Driven by anger, and probably spite. She went in that morning and told them she had been missing school, tardy, and not able to do her homework because "She had been caring for her infant sister" a total and complete lie. Her watching her sister at all consisted of her being in an infant carrier next to the computer desk, while she tapped away with whoever online. I might get a small break while she did this. She never watched her while I wasn't in the home, and had watched over her two nights since birth, in our bedroom, so I could get some extra rest. I was almost 44 when we had her sister Mary. She told me what she had done on Friday. I contacted the school and left word that what she had said and done was a total lie. Monday morning I still had CPS at my door. After an investigation a worker determined that everything she had said was true. Recently she told me that they were going to take her and Mary out of the home, so she fessed up to it all being crap. This was the first I had heard of this. After the report I had sent Albany a letter, stating that my daughter had a previous investigation when she was in middle school about being late all the time. Before Mary was born, which proved she had this problem before Mary was ever in the picture. I received a letter back stating that the whole thing had been labeled as unfounded and scratched. She was our only child for almost 15 years, and had been spoiled, and loved. She wanted to do things I knew weren't good. After this, she went off on her own for awhile. Had some bad things happen, did drugs and drank alot. Now she is back home at 22. I am still harboring anger, and deep pain. I try to forget it ever happened but I can't. She has said she was sorry, but I have never felt real remorse. I think she likes to pretend in her mind she never did what she did, that it never happened. She dropped out of high school, and got her GED in Georgia at 17. She has bounced around from job to job and doesn't know what she is doing with her life. Any advice? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/i-feel-like-my-teenager-is-financially-doomed#post-47 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 22:59:50 +0000 MotoDad 47@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Does anyone else worry about this with their kids?<br /> My daughter is 17. We sent her to a private school and busted our asses *excuse me* to get her the best education possible. One thing I never intended was the whole “keep up with the joneses” mentality. She is smart, and a hard worker, I just feel like we have failed her as far as teaching her about finances and saving money, partly because we don’t.<br /> She works, but any time she has money she just “buys buys buys”. It’s frustrating because she clearly has the desire to live out of her means. I have tried to instill the notion of saving and investing towards her future and it simply does not strike a chord with her at all. I just don’t want her to be struggling like we did with her and her brother.<br /> I am looking for suggestions because my son is about to be 12 years old and I want to nip the problem in the bud before he starts the same thing. Luckily my daughter has no credit cards, but who knows when she goes to college… she wants a high limit credit card real bad.<br /> My question is:<br /> 1) How can I help my daughter break this cycle of spending till nothing is left?<br /> 2) How can I teach my son about the importance of saving, financial stability and investment? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/wilderness-treatment#post-34 Tue, 18 Jan 2011 12:52:40 +0000 coombskb 34@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I wanted to know what parents have thought of wilderness treatment programs, what was your childs experience? I sent my child off a while back to a treatment program in Southern Utah, and it worked for him much better than a treatment facility. I think that chance to be out in nature away from the city, and letting the staff do their work out in nature. Have any of you had any experience with this, and what programs. The one I sent my son too was called Red Cliff Ascent, <a href="http://www.redcliffascent.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.redcliffascent.com</a> what are some other ones out there that have a good track record </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/looking-at-it-another-way#post-56 Fri, 18 Mar 2011 05:24:13 +0000 TeebBoy 56@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I am a teenage boy. I find it difficult to express myself and also I don't share how I am feeling or my emotions with anyone.</p> <p>I started to feel a level of stress building up in my body and I googled away to relieve it. The final method I came a across was writing a blogg which I did and it is helping so much...</p> <p>I see from other posts that this site is a parents view on their teenager but how about looking a situations from a teenagers view.</p> <p>Have a look at my blog. The english is great but it is real life and it is my way of expressing my emotions and it is helping me to cope and move on with my life.</p> <p>Take a look: <a href="http://strugglesofateenboy.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">http://strugglesofateenboy.blogspot.com/</a> </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/gateway-academy#post-32 Tue, 18 Jan 2011 00:42:35 +0000 jbarefield74 32@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>That 's not a good academy. They should have realized that the purpose for their existence is to help troubled teenagers. They are there to help people regarding behavioral conditions and yet they did that to you. You are right. They should at least refund some of your expenses since they said that they would accept your child. They should also sympathize. If you can go back there, talk to them again. If they still won't and you can't control it anymore, I guess you have to move on. Forget about them and concentrate on your child's feelings. Send him to another school. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/when-parents-dont-agree#post-9 Sun, 21 Feb 2010 06:47:04 +0000 AnneSeekingSerenity 9@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I'm in the throes of a rather severe disagreement with my husband over our son's experience in a residential program.<br /> My husband wants to make more decisions, like when to visit and how to plan our son's summer, over the objections of the program staff. I want my son to stay there and I want to follow their recommendations, since they have years of experience and good results, and in my opinion they are incredibly wonderful people.<br /> I'm worried that my son will actually be kicked out of this program if the staff feel (as they do) that my husband is interfering too much and sabotaging their methods !!!<br /> What have other parents done in this situation ??? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/my-teenager-self-injures#post-30 Fri, 10 Dec 2010 17:39:52 +0000 tasha1011 30@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>There are teens that purposefully injure themselves. I wrote an article that examines the teenagers who choose this behavior and helps parents to help teens find other ways to cope. You can read it at</p> <p>suite101.com/content/help--my-child-self-injures-a319144#ixzz17kyAENuI </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/not-liking-your-social-worker#post-19 Thu, 07 Oct 2010 15:04:28 +0000 gerri1015 19@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>In a nutshell, my husband and I gave temporary custody to the county dept of family services. This was due to the fact that we could not afford residential treatment and this was the only way we would be able to help our 16 year old son. Our son has been dx with psychosis nos, anxiety, ocd, pdd-nos,mood disorder and add. Now that we are "in the system" our social worker makes us feel like we do not know how to take care of our child. We have two other teens at home. We are not able to communicate with this social worker and his supervisor says that we cannot request another be assigned to us. Is this true? I thought you should be able to trust and talk to the county social worker and we feel that we cannot do this. Has anyone experienced this before. Thanks. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/lies#post-8 Tue, 16 Feb 2010 20:59:18 +0000 Lincoln Lee 8@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Yesterday morning, I noticed my headset from my iPod was missing. I didn't trip, for my son occasionally "takes" my belongings without asking. I almost always confront the issue...sometimes there's an understanding between us, but other times the situation needlessly escalates into a shouting match.</p> <p>Well, I decided not to readily confront the issue, but later found the headset next to the computer. Needless to say, I took the headset and returned it to my room. This morning as he was heading out the door for school, he asked where “his” headset was. I told him they were mine, but he insisted he just purchased it yesterday. When I asked if he knew how my headset suddenly and mysteriously disappeared…he said my headset was broken and does not looking anything like his. He was 100% convincing…but not to me because we’ve been down this road before.</p> <p>I just purchased mine one week ago, only wear them at night, and they are in perfect condition. The pair I found next to the computer is exactly like mine…the same color, the same ear buds…exactly. Knowing he was not going to get his way because I was not going to give in, he proceed to tell me to shut up and started cursing…</p> <p>He is 15, not deprived (…rather he feels a sense of entitlement) and is a strong willed kid. But…why lie?? He was so angry at me that I started to doubt myself…but I know…he was lying. Did he think I was stupid…or I did not care…or that he’s entitled to it (by whatever means necessary)?</p> <p>I’m hoping this is just a phase…and not the beginning of something bigger. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/holidays-are-over#post-7 Fri, 01 Jan 2010 17:41:55 +0000 admin 7@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>We made it through another holiday. I don't know why I fear New Year's Eve, but I am glad that both my teens were home. We did not make them stay home, but it just ended up that way. What parent in their right mind would host a party of teens for NYE. I know I would not. Basically they can get in trouble any time, but New Years Eve just has trouble written all over it. </p> <p>How were your holidays? </p>