http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ supporting families with troubled teen issues en-US Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:41:46 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/search.php http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/pot-on-the-horizonnow-what-do-i-do#post-189 Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:39:24 +0000 SoCalMom 189@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Institute regular random drug testing. It's affordable, accurate and can be done in the privacy of your own home. Keeping your child away from drugs may be the most important thing you ever do for them. They WILL thank you later.</p> <p>As parents, it’s our job to protect our kids until they acquire the common sense of adulthood. Tom Riley of the Office of National Drug Control Policy put it this way, “Young people tend to be very altruistic and they think they are immortal. Telling teens something is dangerous tends not to affect their behavior.” </p> <p>If you’re worried about your son going ballistic, first and foremost you and your husband need to be on the same page. Going ballistic will not work. If anything, your son will seize upon it as a diversionary tactic and manipulate the situation further. Remember, he who yells loudest, loses! Be a united front for your son. </p> <p>Approach drug testing with honesty. Tell him you love him and that he is so important to you that you’ll do anything to keep him from going down a road that compromises his future, his health and his safety. </p> <p>Drug testing is standard operating procedure nowadays in business, for the purpose of safeguarding that company or organization. As parents, it’s our job to safeguard our children.</p> <p>You can find a lot of good info online for helps on knowing how to set up drug testing your teen. There’s a video on the CoreBB site that could be very helpful to you. There’s also one on meth. You don’t want that to be your kid. </p> <p>You want your son armed with his best defense against drugs. Kids who know they can count on their parents to pop random drug tests have a better chance than their friends who don’t. Give him another reason to just say no. Whatever your son has admitted to, you can be sure it’s only the tip of the iceberg. That’s just a fact of life. Trust your parental instinct and act on it. It just might be the thing that will save your child from a lifetime of addiction, or worse.</p> <p>"Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes." ~ Chinese Proverb </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/inexpensive-programs-for-troubled-teens#post-188 Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:46:53 +0000 SoCalMom 188@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I feel for you. Been there...done that, as they say. A few years back I was in a similar situation. I was terrified my son would completely self-destruct if I didn't get him into a program where he'd be safe and get the help he needed. </p> <p>I had to get creative. I told myself that if I'd been told he needed a liver transplant to save his life, I would have moved heaven and earth to make that happen. So I decided to approach it with the same determination. I got a second job. I rented out his room. He wasn't going to need it for awhile. (though I wouldn't recommend this idea if there are young children in the home.) I sold and liquidated everything I could. It was just stuff. I reduced my overhead and expenses every way possible. </p> <p>Here are some other ideas I recall that other parents did: asked friends, relatives and co-workers to commit to a certain dollar amount each month to offset tuition; some went to their pastors for help- churches and congregations can be a resource; some employers were willing to do matching funds; used college fund savings; moved into less expensive housing; a few got their school district to pay tuition.</p> <p>The other thing was I looked at the tuition, and subtracted what I was already shelling out every week to therapy visits, money stolen from my purse, doctor visits, various other things I ended up being financially responsible for. Do the math and figure out what this is already costing you and compare that against tuition fees.</p> <p>The kind of help you want for your daughter is not cheap. No doubt about it. That tuition covers 24/7 care and safety, schooling, counseling, probably therapy, healthy activities, and a chance to get her life back on track. But it's also a chance to get your whole family back on track. Your home sounds like a war zone right now. It doesn't have to be that way. </p> <p>You might check out CoreBB for scholarship options or help finding programs in your region that might fit your criteria. Also regular random drug testing is something you could do now. There’s a good video on the site about how to drug test your teen. </p> <p>With your daughter being 17, that's a factor too. Time is not on your side. So don't delay. And don’t give up. Good luck to you. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/teen-rehab-in-california#post-187 Mon, 23 Jan 2012 12:13:13 +0000 CoreBB 187@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hi Stephanie,</p> <p>I hope this finds you well. I am new here, I realize your post is a month old…though I also realize that if you are like many parents this issue is likely still ongoing, so better late than never to respond.</p> <p>Like PastResident (member) I to got myself sent away to a School when I was a teen. Fortunately for me we had a much different experience, it sounds as though PastResident had a rough time. I am not sure where he/she went, but there certainly are Schools and Programs out there that should not be in business. </p> <p>Since graduating my Program (with a positive experience) I have since gone on to work in this field. For the first couple of years after I graduated my Program I stayed heavily involved as a volunteer. Working with parents, traveling around attending family support groups, etc. During my time as a law student I was presented with an opportunity to actually work and make a living in the family healing field and I took it.</p> <p>So full disclosure my family and I DO earn our living working with families and teens. Which I am thankful for as well are the many many families I have had the opportunity to be in service to for the last 15 years. Had this just been an ongoing volunteer project I would not have been able to provide nearly the amount of results that I have as well as the others that I network with or that work for me personally. This is just how our society is structured.</p> <p>I have worked with many families from California. They normally contact us after they have tried facilities in State. When they have tried a private facility they typically end up losing a lot of money, time and are emotionally drained. Where they have involved the State they have typically lost many rights, they are frustrated beyond description and in some cases have lost their child for a lengthy period of time (months if not years). A lot of parents naturally and understandably look for resources closer to home. That’s what I would do as a parent of 2 boys as well, if I were facing some of the same challenges and not having any past experience or insight into this field. Though in California’s system the odds are stacked against you. PastResident has accurately pointed out that California is a more pro-active “child rights” State. As great as that may sound, when you are dealing with a teen that you have lost control or influence over (hence the term out of control teen) a program in California is no longer a viable option. I am all for teens being treated with dignity, respect and compassion. I DO NOT work with any Programs or Schools that I personally could not envision myself being a student at. Again, I have been on that side of a Program. So I personally know what my standards and expectations of treatment need to be.</p> <p>Being a native of Southern California I know the State well. Keeping this in mind I would never trust the State of California getting involved or dictating anything regarding my family. So going through the court system, or enrolling your kid into a Foster Care or Group Home, I would steer clear of to put it lightly. And as far as Program or Private School staff making a living working in a Program so therefore having some hidden agenda, don’t over look the fact that the clerk in the court or the CPS workers having to keep beds full to keep one of their Programs open are any different. The only contrast is that unlike a private company that is results driven a State Program is not. State entities are not based on results, outcomes or anything of the sort they just keep getting checks from the government no matter what the results of their students success or families happiness is with their Program. And furthermore kids in States Program are likely to have much deeper seeded issues and will likely be a much more toxic influence on your child. I know this because I have operated JCHO accredited facilities with State kids, a nightmare, more than anything dealing with the State and its reps.</p> <p>I hope I have helped to shed some light on this issue. </p> <p>If I can be of any more help, feel free to contact me.</p> <p><a href="mailto:info@CoreBB.com">info@CoreBB.com</a> </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/inexpensive-programs-for-troubled-teens#post-186 Tue, 10 Jan 2012 10:39:28 +0000 gamom 186@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I have a 17 year old daughter who is out of control. She is skipping school, not doing homework, smoking, drinking, hanging out with kids who may have gang associations, possibly using drugs and having sex. She's abusive to my two younger girls and to myself. She is shoplifting, and running away from home for three and four days at a time. The police tell me that they can't do anything when she runs aways because of her age and the fact that she always comes back. But she comes back to make life miserable for the rest of us. She is constantly destructing items in my home, and she has even gone so far as to hit her sisters and myself.</p> <p>I would love to send her to a boarding school for a treatment program, but I am finding that the programs are too expensive. $800 a month is the cheapest I could find! Because of the economy I was forced to take a huge pay cut when I got laid off and found a different job, and I don't have the money to send her to get the help she needs. </p> <p>Does anyone know of a program where tuition is free, inexpensive, or possibly covered with a scholarship? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/pot-on-the-horizonnow-what-do-i-do#post-185 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 05:56:47 +0000 AlmostPerfect 185@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>So, I have suspected for several months that my 15 y/o son has been up to something. His grades have sharply dropped, he doesn't do his normal chores, at least, not without a major dispute first, and he just seems completely aloof to the world. I tried to chalk it up to Freshman year, the age, etc.<br /> Last night I finally got him to open up to me. Somehow I managed to keep a straight and relatively blank face, as he told me that he lost his virginity at 12 (YES 12!!!), and has had a few sexual experiences since then.<br /> His next revelation, though more disturbing and less shocking to me, was that he has, in fact, been smoking weed. He says it's just 'sometimes, and on weekends only'. As if that makes it all okay.<br /> I have no idea where to go from here. On one hand, he finally trusted me enough to tell me the truth. On the other hand, I can't just let it go, of course.<br /> If I tell his step-dad (the only male in his life), he will come unglued. My husband and I have very different ideas about child-rearing. He will undoubtedly do or say whatever is the worst possible reaction to the news. It's just his way.<br /> I am at a loss though. I was a horrible teen. World's Worst. I did all the bad things you hope to never go through. My parents definitely did NOT do the right things to help me. I admit, I don't know what the right things would have been, But it didn't happen. I cleaned up my act by myself when I was 17 and got pregnant (with my now 15 y/o trouble maker).<br /> I have lived in fear and dread of the day I found out my son, who used to be so very very perfect, was acting like I used to. And now I am in a blind panic. I don't know if I should punish him, ground him, allow natural consequences to follow, lecture him...etc. I thought about just permanently grounding him from going out on weekends, since he says that's when he smokes. I know when I was a teen, I was always grounded. It just taught me to sneak out and do worse things. I though about not allowing him to join Track and Field this spring, but I think he really needs the many good things that an organizes sport offers. The rigorous schedule, the coach to take him in, the camaraderie, the activity to keep him busy.... however, that will cost us $400.00 to put him in, and I know my hubby isn't going to feel that the kiddo has earned that kind of entitlement.<br /> He of course receives allowance for doing his chores every two weeks. Should I take that away? He says he's not buying pot, just smoking w his friends.<br /> And he will be volunteering this summer at a kids day camp like he did last year. They of course have a zero tolerance policy. If he doesn't do that though, he will sit home with freedom all summer long. Not to mention the possibility of a learners permit in May. Well, that's def not going to happen at this point.<br /> Seriously, all this still boils down to: WHAT DO I DO TO GET MY KID NOT TO SMOKE POT OR PUSH THE ENVELOPE FURTHER???<br /> (Btw, he's done all the drug-free/anti-drug school programs, abstinence programs, etc. We have not been lax on trying to prepare him and talk about these things before he entered the teen years. It just apparently made no difference!)<br /> Any help will help!<br /> Thanks for reading,</p> <p>AlmostPerfect's AlmostPerfect Mom... HA! </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/im-21-and-i-have-a-16-yo-help#post-179 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:16:10 +0000 james.martin 179@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>It is very humble of you to get him and able to continue his life for a good future. One thing to get him motivated is through communication giving him a word of advice and let him know and feel that he's important to your life and be a part of the family.</p> <p>As for me cellphone wouldn't need to be necessary to give him. It some kinda distraction for the kid. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/teen-rehab-in-california#post-178 Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:08:10 +0000 PastResident 178@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>California defends the rights of minors much more aggressively than many other states. Because of these laws, it will be very hard to put your child in a facility without going through the court system and giving your daughter a fair hearing. Which is a very good thing.</p> <p>Here is a list of children's rights in California when being placed in foster care:<br /> <a href="http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/downloads/rights-children-foster-care.pdf" rel="nofollow">http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/downloads/rights-children-foster-care.pdf</a></p> <p>Many of these rights are denied in out-of-state facilities in the name of "treatment". I personally believe that these laws exist for a very good reason, and as you choose to live in this state, you should respect the rights the state affords your child and not circumvent them.</p> <p>In closing: if you child truly needs help, in California you will need to go through the court system. This will help her understand that she actually needs help, and give her a chance to stand up for herself while someone actually listens to her. Her records will be closed when she turns 18, so you won't have to worry the court appearance affecting her standing in the future. If she really needs help, this shouldn't be an issue for you. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/teen-rehab-in-california#post-177 Mon, 19 Dec 2011 09:16:50 +0000 admin 177@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hi Stephanie,<br /> All facilities are different and you may want to talk to an educational consultant to find the best placement for your daughters issues. My experience the best facilities are not in California for teens.</p> <p>Good luck I know it is not an easy road. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/a-former-resident#post-176 Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:29:11 +0000 PastResident 176@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I'm 24, and I still have nightmares about being locked up and a fear of constantly being watched as well as major trust issues from being lied to by staff that have affected many of my personal relationships since then.</p> <p>Remember to talk to the average kids there, they are the people your child will be around. It's very important to understand who your child's peers will be, I ended up living with a bunch of coke-heads with serious addictions (I only smoked pot occasionally), I learned a lot about drugs, and that influenced who I identified with when I left at 18.</p> <p>If you only talk to the hand-picked group the facility puts together for you, you are getting a seriously skewed view of what happens and what life is like. Almost any child you talk to will be scared to say anything questionable about the facility: speaking freely can easily make life more difficult for them.</p> <p>Don't ever lie to your child about anything when you send them away. The whole point is open communication, and anything you do to compromise that can seriously affect any trust they have with anyone in the future. DON'T EVER PROMISE TO BRING YOUR CHILD HOME AND FAIL TO FOLLOW THROUGH! NOTHING IS MORE PSYCHOLOGICALLY DAMAGING AND DISHEARTENING!</p> <p>Being in a lockdown facility can really, truly hurt for a long time. If you think you have no other choice, make sure you do some serious research, there is nothing worse than finding out that your parents don't know everything about where they have sent you.</p> <p>Even the best of these facilities have had fatalities, and have faced multiple lawsuits. Keep in mind the vast majority of them are profit-driven (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspen_Education_Group">Aspen Education Group</a> comes to mind, they are owned by Bain Capitol, and investment banking company, and own many, many programs) and as such are out there to get your attention, sell themselves, and make moeny just like any other business.</p> <p>I DO NOT BENEFIT IN ANY WAY BY THE CHOICE YOU MAKE, UNLIKE THESE COMPANIES I DO NOT GET A PAYCHECK BY WRITING THIS. I wrote this because of what I have experienced and what I believe because of it. However, the people who will encourage you to send them away make a living and a paycheck by doing so, and will warn you that there are people like me who are against these programs and should be ignored. Again, I don't benefit from typing this. I'm just trying to stop other people from having to suffer the way I did. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/teen-rehab-in-california#post-175 Sun, 18 Dec 2011 14:32:59 +0000 stephaniej 175@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My 15 yr old daughter needs residential rehab - is struggling to remain sober from drugs and alcohol. She is attending a sober school and going to NA meetings but just fell off her 30 day clean with drinking. Our insurance is Blue Cross Healthy Families which doesn't seem to cover anything. Has anyone had success finding inhouse treatment somewhere in California? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/girls-only-res-treatment-centers#post-174 Fri, 02 Dec 2011 13:19:58 +0000 ironcowgirl 174@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My daughter is at a place called Montcalm School for Girls. It's in Albion, MI. She has been there for 3 months now and is doing so very good. I'm amazed at how well she is doing. The whole staff there are the most awesome caring people and I would recommend this place to anyone. It's expensive but worth every penny if it helps my daughter. Check out their website at montcalmschools.org </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/girls-only-res-treatment-centers#post-173 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 10:12:20 +0000 admin 173@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>You might want to look at New Haven in Utah. Here is a link to one of my posts. <a href="http://www.troubledteenblog.com/2008/06/new-haven-girls-residential-treatment-center-utah-best-of-state/" rel="nofollow">http://www.troubledteenblog.com/2008/06/new-haven-girls-residential-treatment-center-utah-best-of-state/</a></p> <p>I don't have personal experience but have spoken to some of the admin people and they seem to be very caring. </p> <p>Good luck </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/girls-only-res-treatment-centers#post-171 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 05:48:46 +0000 Sue 171@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hi, am searching for a high quality therapy-oriented RTC for a 13 year old girl, anxiety, depression, sexually acting out and looks mature for age. Good student who functions well outside family until, but she ran away once and may do it again. Locked unit is preferable.<br /> I'm considering Sunrise, Kolob Canyon and Moonridge. Any opinions on these RTCs or any others I should know about? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/he-is-coming-back-home-i-have-mixed-feelings#post-170 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 12:42:13 +0000 lnewcomb 170@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>This has been a journey for me since 2007 when we put our son in a recovery program which included IOP (intensive out-patient). He eventually went to rehab for a month. He was in the recovery program for what seemed like 2 long years. Prior to his entering the recovery program we took him out of public school and I home-schooled him because his grades had dropped and he entered a period of 'dark' moods and depression. He became withdrawn and had explosive moods. Several psychiatrists later and medications that included anti-depressants, mood stabilizers (that did not work) we ended up in the recovery program. He had admitted to regular drug abuse as well as smoking. His 'DOC' (drug of choice) is pills: everything from amphetamines (ADHD meds), cough/cold medications, 'bars', etc. His sleep pattern is basically sleeping during the day and up all night. He has always had trouble sleeping. He has been diagnosed as bipolar-depressive. Those two years in the recovery program were difficult, but the best years too for our family because he was in recovery and we had a wonderful support group of other families in recovery.<br /> I became an active member of Al-Anon also and this helped me get through some difficult times. There is much I am grateful for at this time. Mostly, that he is alive. But his emotional and mental health is not good. I am grateful that he is in college, but it has been a rollercoaster. His love is music and this is what he buries himself in. He creates beautiful music and sells some online on various music sites. Any extra money he gets, he puts into his computer programs and marketing of his music online.<br /> He decided he wanted to go to a state university about 6 hours away from us. I cannot stress enough how peaceful things have been with him gone. And yet, I miss him. I worry about him. Of course, at college, he has freedoms and as of late, his latest rants include how marijuana needs to be legalized. He is very open about using weed.<br /> This Thanksgiving was good up until the time he left. He needed to be at the bus station at 1 pm and this meant us leaving at noon since the station is an hour away from us. It was 11:55 and he still hadn't gotten up after already giving him a wakeup call at 11 a.m. I gave him the 5 min. to departure call and he blew up. This is par for the course for him. The next thing we knew we heard banging in his room and he was yelling F-bombs. His siblings were in the living room (all teens) and they just became quiet unsure what to do listening to the chaos in the next room. Eventually he came out and hollered at us for needing to leave. I was upset and was crying by then. He was frustrated and said that we should know him better by now and realize that he is 'grumpy' in the morning. I did raise my voice and told him that I was tired of tiptoeing around him in the morning. He said we didn't have to tiptoe. I gave him that morning at the example of what happens when we don't tiptoe.<br /> We have been dealing with this type of attitude with him for a long time. He apologizes and the cycle begins again. I know he has mental health and emotional issues. It is very difficult dealing with his outbursts. I am emotionally drained with his blaming us.<br /> He is coming home because he says it didn’t work out for him this semester at the state university. He talks about his plans and I don’t want to be pessimistic, but I just don’t believe him. I want ‘this time’ to be ‘the one’ where he gets his act together. But I am exhausted at hoping when he shares about his plans. I just feel better when I don’t hope – I know this sounds strange.<br /> I want him to come home, but I don’t want the drama that he brings to come home. I want to be the supportive parent, but I don’t want to be subjected to his abusive attitude and language. I feel he should be on his own, but I don’t know how to go about this because we live in a small town and there isn’t much in the way of places to live. He wants to attend the local community college and then go off to another larger state university that is closer in the fall. I have such mixed emotions about him coming home. He turns 20 in six months.<br /> Any advice is appreciated. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/electronic-or-e-cigarettes-and-teen-usage#post-167 Thu, 24 Nov 2011 07:54:51 +0000 admin 167@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>@alaub thanks for your insight. I don't know anything about them and with teenagers you never know. It is my 17 year old son that has them. I haven't said anything to him about them. I know he smokes to my dismay but couldn't figure out the eCigarettes. Maybe he is smoking in his room. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/electronic-or-e-cigarettes-and-teen-usage#post-165 Wed, 23 Nov 2011 20:21:14 +0000 alaub 165@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My 17 year old daughter was a pretty heavy smoker as much as I hate to admit it. A few months ago she switched. I am not happy but abusing her body anyway is unacceptable to me. She doesn't smell like cigarette smoke anymore which was a huge embarassment to our family. Her health has improved as well, she was getting a cough (at 17!) and sick often. I have heard they really are to help quit smoking and it isn't a good thing if they start smoking them without never smoking before. I know my daughter says she uses some with nicotine and others that are just flavored vapors. I haven't heard of people using them for illegal drugs because you have to use their cartrideges. Not sure that it is impossible to alter but they aren't reusable. Hope this helps! </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/electronic-or-e-cigarettes-and-teen-usage#post-164 Wed, 23 Nov 2011 16:22:54 +0000 admin 164@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I just found e Cigarettes in my sons bedroom. I had never heard of them before and do not know anything about them. I did look it up on the internet and supposedly they can be used to help quit smoking. What do you know about eCigarettes? I am also wondering if there may be some drug abuse with them. </p> <p>Any information would be helpful. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/birth-control-my-teen-wont-use-it#post-150 Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:37:14 +0000 ktmiota 150@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I am the foster mom of a 19 year old very delayed girl. She has been with us for 3 years and has made a lot of progress, but has reached her developmental stage, which I estimate varies between 9-13 years old. But she's hormonally 19 and is now sexually active.</p> <p>Several months ago, we put her on Depo (the birth control shot) before she became sexually active, so we could be proactive and not fight a battle once she had sex. Well, she is not refusing to go get her booster shot. She wants to try something different, which we are totally fine with, but is not an option until she sees her doctor which will be 6 weeks from now. We are trying to convince her to get 1 more shot so she's covered, but she simply refuses.</p> <p>She has all the risk factors for teen pregnancy: neglected her whole life and looking for something to own, something to love her unconditionally; low self-esteem; very few friends; dirt bag sexual partner who just uses her for sex yet she "loves"; longing to be like her mother, who had a baby at 19; succumbs to peer pressure easily.</p> <p>My husband and I have only been married 1 year and we are not financially, emotionally or mentally willing or able to care for her baby. It's simply our bottom line that she must be protected and if she refuses, she will not be able to live with us. </p> <p>Any advice to help us convince her without resorting to kicking her out? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/unusual-opportunity-for-help-with-your-teens#post-142 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 16:03:35 +0000 supernanny 142@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Please, please forgive me if this in any way violates the terms of your forum. I was doing some research on teen behavior for our show, and I came across your posts. I couldn't help but think many of you might want to know about this opportunity. </p> <p>I'm with the TV show, "SuperNanny," or newly called "America's SuperNanny." In the past we've focused on younger children, but this year we have a new American nanny who is especially experienced in the teen/preteen age bracket. And she is amazing! People are having a very positive experience with her. Anyway, if any of you are at your wits end and need to explore creative avenues, then do get in touch with me immediately. We have almost finished with casting for this season, but have room to consider one more family. </p> <p>You can email me directly at <a href="mailto:gmarks@shedmediaus.com">gmarks@shedmediaus.com</a></p> <p>Thanks for your time! All the best to you all! </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/at-wits-end-and-need-refs-for-wildnerness-or-boarding-schools#post-126 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 04:49:27 +0000 gingerpie 126@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hi, I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time with your daughter. Defiance is a very common behavior in most teens, and probably worse in some. Typical teenagers are trying to establish independence and while establishing independence is a good thing, being defiant is most definitely not an acceptable behavior. Considering a wilderness camp or a boarding school for your daughter is not wrong but first you have to consider some factors before you do so. First and foremost, I'm sure such programs are not free, so you have to <a href="http://www.teenwildernessprograms.org/teen-wilderness-programs/wilderness-therapy-camps-and-programs-costs-and-considerations.html">consider the cost</a> and the things you should know about these programs. </p> <p>Lastly, you should think about it a hundred times and consider the risk of your daughter hating you more for sending her away. Think about how to break it up to her properly if your decision is really final. Make her feel that she's still very important to you and always make sure that you follow-up on her progress. I hope all goes well for your family mrod. I'll be praying for you. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/i-have-no-ideaaa-what-to-do-with-him#post-105 Fri, 21 Oct 2011 10:41:50 +0000 shelb7410 105@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My boyfriend of 17, feels like he has the upper hand. He disrespects he father and his father's girlfriend, of two 1/2 years. Everything he does has to be "Jeremy's way" and if it isn't ... there isn't and 'isn't'. It's always his way. And on top of that he's addicted to weed. He can say he's not a million times. But I asked him to give it up... he said he's willing to give it up for a month but he has to have it once a day to get to sleep... he's addicted, even his doctor suggested therapy to get him off of it. I feel like the weed is more in control of him then he is of himself. Today, he got in school suspension for being tardy multiple times. He told them why give me an in-school when I can take care of things at home. So his dad's girlfriend picked him up, and for the first time he had consequences. He wasn't used to these types of punishments, such as stay home for the rest of the day and his phone was shut off. He doesn't know how to handle this since he has always got his way and knows how to convince people very easily.His guardians try to give him responsibility, but he takes advantage of it. Dad's girlfriend, Patty, thinks of him as her own son and asks very little of him (no smoking on the porch or cars, take out trash, put dirty clothes in basket,ect.) but he can't even do these little things and it's very disrespectful. She's very easy to get along with and talk to, but the way he acts makes her want to change. She's very sweet and I don't want to see her change, but how can my Jeremy change ? What do we need to do to make him change? I need the help before he ends up going down the wrong road.<br /> 37 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/my-daughter#post-104 Thu, 29 Sep 2011 22:21:54 +0000 Adriel90 104@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Talk to your hubby and tell him that things could be much worse. At least she didn't move in with some stranger, she seems to be in a safe home and she's still his (and your) daughter. </p> <p>I'm sorry I can't really help, but that sounds terrible and I had to offer some support. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/im-21-and-i-have-a-16-yo-help#post-103 Thu, 29 Sep 2011 22:17:33 +0000 Adriel90 103@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>How you ask? Well long story short: his mother abandoned him and left to another state. I took him in around March of this year.</p> <p> Anyway, what I need help with is his grades. When I took him in, I transferred him to a high school closer to my home. His grades were very bad, which is understandable due to his terrible home life with his inept mother. At the end of the year, I found out he failed 4 of his classes! I almost considered having him get his GED but his mother needs to approve that and she's kind of unavailable.</p> <p> He was a sophomore then and he would be a junior now but was reclassified as a sophomore because he failed so many classes. I moved past that and just told him to focus on his classes now and move forward. I really thought that he would do better this year because he's a lot happier, but his grades are still terrible! He's failing two classes already and barely passing the rest, even Spanish class, and I know Spanish so he could ask me for help. At least he has a B in Algebra, which is truly amazing.</p> <p> How do I motivate him to do better? I even gave him a cell phone recently. Should I take that away? It's hard being a friend/brother/dad all rolled into one. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/my-daughter#post-99 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 05:25:04 +0000 blanky 99@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My 15 year old decided that she didn't want to live with us anymore, so she moved in with my husbands brother and his wife. This caused a massive argument between my husband and his brother, and now my husband is saying that while she is living there that she can see me, but she is not to see the other kids or him. Frankly I think that he is being grossly unfair to the other kids, basically punishing them for something that is not their fault.</p> <p>Problem is, I told her tonight that she can come around on monday afternoon and get her school stuff, but now I don't think that I should let her, because its going to cause a blaring argument between myself and my husband, and my little kids are already upset (9&amp;4) and they don't need that on top of everything else.</p> <p>What do I do? My eldest is already a mess, she's depressed, has anxiety attacks, and tonight she cut herself (on purpose). My husband is just so pigheaded and obstinate sometimes, it's so hard. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/cant-find-any-solutions-for-my-son#post-98 Tue, 20 Sep 2011 05:31:38 +0000 brokenns 98@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hi! I live in NS Canada and for the past year almost, I have been fighting a never ending battle. My son is progressively getting worse. He is a young 17 and in grade 11(for now) which thus far has been a struggle. He lives with his father and has been spoiled rotten and given too much freedom. Well, that freedom is destroying his life. Now that his father is trying to place rules upon him(which is far too late at 17) he is not liking it. He has gone from one couch to another all summer and never came home at all. He has no motivation to work and has zero work ethic. To my understanding he is smoking cigarettes, pot and what he calls popz(hash oil in a cigarette?). He will not take No for an answer from anyone so feels being out on his own would be better. The only problem is his father did not provide him with the tools to survive. He never had a chore, was handed $20 bills on regular basis and more. He is very unhealthy. He cannot finish a meal without feeling and sometimes getting sick. I tried to get help for him but he will not go willingly and no one in my area will help. At times over the years he believed he would like to live with me, but in the end always realized Mom had rules so would stay with his Dad. His Dad never spent a lot of time with him, just showered him with money and gifts. Anyway, he will not return home and wants to live at a friends( someone who also has a shady past). What am I going to do to help my child. I am broken and every door I try to knock, they cannot help me. I am desperate for answers. Please any advice would be appreciated. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/troubled-teen-moving-in-help#post-90 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 16:50:22 +0000 Adem 90@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hello ms1977,<br /> Have you had any luck in this last year? I'd really like to read how you've been working on your step daughter's behavior and if you've seen improvement?</p> <p>I'd have to agree with homegroaning's post. A therapeutic and educational consultant is the best way to take what is otherwise a chaotic array of options and narrow them down to a few resources that really make a lot of sense. All of this while taking into consideration budgetary, medical, mental health, and other constraints. The best therapeutic consultants will meet with your step daughter, speak with the treatment team, and read any written history there may be. Finding someone who is really going to take the time to understand what is going on not only with the struggling youth, but also how they interact with the family (this is called the Family Systems Approach) is an excellent way to ascertain what the best-fit options may be. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/at-wits-end-and-need-refs-for-wildnerness-or-boarding-schools#post-89 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 16:31:39 +0000 Adem 89@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hi mrod,<br /> I know it's been about a month since you posted but I was wondering how your search has gone? There are so many possibilities out there it boggles the mind. There are people who can help, however. They're called "Therapeutic Consultants" and their job is to work with families to identify what courses of action might be the best fit for a struggling youth and their family, given their unique set of circumstances.</p> <p>Therapeutic consultants independently audit therapeutic programs, schools, and services. They generally hold advanced degrees in mental health and make fantastic liaisons between the therapeutic treatment team. The easiest way to get started is to give one a call, the initial phone conversation is generally free. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/at-wits-end-and-need-refs-for-wildnerness-or-boarding-schools#post-77 Sat, 09 Jul 2011 14:41:09 +0000 mrod 77@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I am writing to get help with my 16 yr old daughter because her mother and I have observed en escalation in her negative behavior. She resists basic family rules and expectations. She has had a drop in school grades and is verbally abusive. She associates with a negative peer group and has lost interest in former productive activities, such as hobbies and sports. It is difficult to get our daughter to do simple household chores or homework without a major fight and she has displayed violent behavior. She has been manipulative and deceitful as well as seems to lack motivation. We have noted that she has taken things (including money) from brother and us without asking. She seems to lack self-esteem and has had problems with authority. It seems that no matter what rules and consequences are established, she defies them often leaving us to feel powerless. We have had her in counseling over the past several yrs and twice a week counseling over the past several months but the situation is getting worse. She has begun experimenting with drugs and/or alcohol and we are concerned that she may be sexually promiscuous. </p> <p>We are concerned about her safety and about the negative impact of her behavior on her younger brother and sister. We want to find out about our options including wilderness schools and boarding schools for teens with these problems. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/depression-cure#post-76 Fri, 08 Jul 2011 20:07:23 +0000 zealousmom 76@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I have read this and want to share it to parents and kids too.........<br /> Depression cure summary: Here are some changes you can make now to become a happier person:</p> <p> Be true to yourself<br /> Look to the present, drop the future worry and the past regret<br /> Focus on positives not negatives<br /> Give yourself permission to move forward<br /> Work on your self confidence and self esteem.<br /> Make a list of everything that you are thankful for now in your life</p> <p>My son when he underwent depression a year ago, I tried to question myself and nagged him a lot. Then we came to a compromise then he joined teen boot camp, it did good to him.<br /> Hope this will work on you too. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/sending-your-teen-back-to-treatment-after-they-have-been-discharged#post-72 Mon, 20 Jun 2011 20:18:31 +0000 admin 72@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I received a note today from a parent asking what I thought of sending a teen back into residential treatment after they had been discharged. </p> <p>Most important I don't give advice since I am not really qualified to do that but I can tell you my experience.</p> <p>We did send our son back to residential treatment after he had been discharged. We brought him back to our home state to attend a step down program and hopefully ready him to return home. He AWOL'ed from that program and we immediately sent him back to the program in Utah once he was found. I know that other kids have also had to return after discharge.<br /> If this is something you are contemplating it might help to talk with his past therapist at the program you want to send him back to. Let them know what you are experiencing. Since they knew your son while he was in the program they may be able to help you make a decision. </p> <p>I know how difficult these decisions can be. If they are acting out or displaying risky behaviors it may be in their best interest to return to some program. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/teenage-son-ranaway#post-71 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 13:09:11 +0000 tstephen 71@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Hello concerned parent,<br /> I am the mother of a habitual runaway. As parents of a runway we have faced these very same issues. The fact of the matter is he is going to do what he wants to do, but you as the parent must do your part. I don't say this to discourage you or offend, but we are responsible to provide structure and discipline for our kids. It is than up to them how they will respond. Especially when there are other children in the how we must send the message that these are the rules and you must honor them. You are legally liable for your son until he is 18 years of age, so my advice would be report him as a runaway and bring him home. If you would like prayer for this we have a web based ministry the website is lexyslost.com. It is free and confidential. Please email a prayer partner anytime for prayer, resources and support. Also your son can visit the website if he would like to email a teenager that has struggled with these issues.</p> <p>God Bless,<br /> Tara </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/teenage-son-ranaway#post-69 Tue, 31 May 2011 14:45:36 +0000 coogs100 69@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>My teenaage son, 16 1/2 has "moved" out. I say moved out because in his mind he's done living with us, and 4 sisters. he feels like he doesn't belong and should live somewhere else. He is still going to scholl on his own, not sure if he has gotten a job. We haven't heard form him in over a week, Our concern is should we force him home, list him as a runaway(he will just leave again), can we be charged with neglect if we do nothing? </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/family-environment-study#post-68 Mon, 23 May 2011 10:43:30 +0000 sheehan-fisher 68@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>You are invited to participate in a research study about parenting.</p> <p>Parents and their teenage children (13 -17 yrs old) are invited to participate in a research study about parenting of teens conducted by researchers at the University of Iowa. Parents and teens will be asked to answer three sets of questionnaires over 6 months. Teens must be living with parents for the first three months of the study. </p> <p>Compensation will be provided.</p> <p>For additional information about the study and to see if you qualify, parents should contact Sheehan D. Fisher:</p> <p>Phone: (732) 693-9047 (preferred); (319) 335-0307 (office)<br /> Email: <a href="mailto:sheehan-fisher@uiowa.edu">sheehan-fisher@uiowa.edu</a>. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/experienced-parent-seeking-interviews-with-similar-parents#post-66 Sat, 23 Apr 2011 12:53:37 +0000 DrDore 66@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>I am an Independent Educational Consultant/ Therapeutic Consultant and 10 years ago my own daughter was in residential treatment. Over the years I have studied and explored the experiences of parents who have / or had children in Residential Treatment Centers (RTCs). Family involvement has been widely accepted as a factor that benefits children in RTCs and family centered practice encourages parent participation in all aspects of a child's care, yet there is limited research on parents participation in two key areas at RTCs: the day-to-day care of their child and the treatment planning/implementation for their child. </p> <p>I have completed several surveys which are being worked on for publishing. In one survey fifty-four parents of children in RTCs completed a mixed method survey which asked respondents to identify how they are or are not involved in the day-to-day activities and treatment planning/implementation of their children and their level of satisfaction with aspects of their involvement, including amount of involvement, decision making opportunities and interactions with daily care and clinical staff. </p> <p>Respondents also shared barriers and supports to their involvement, the impact their involvement in RTCs has had on their child and their families as well as advice they would give families and RTCs about involving families. The findings indicate that parents have a range of involvement at RTCs and that they are more satisfied with higher levels of involvement, increased opportunities for decision making and when they have collaborative, supportive relationships with staff. </p> <p>Recommendations for enhancing family involvement practices at RTCs as well as suggestions for future research are still being discussed in another survey. </p> http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/topic/troubled-teen-moving-in-help#post-65 Sat, 23 Apr 2011 12:45:21 +0000 DrDore 65@http://www.troubledteenblog.com/forum/ <p>Teen anger takes many forms. It may be expressed as indignation and resentment, or rage and fury. It is the expression of teenage anger -- the behavior -- that we see. Some teens may repress their anger and withdraw; others may be more defiant and destroy property. They will continue their behavior, or it may escalate, until they decide to look within themselves to the roots of their anger. </p> <p>But teenage anger is a feeling, an emotion, not a behavior. </p> <p>And anger is usually caused by something going on in a teen's life. Teen anger can be a frightening emotion, but it is not inherently harmful. Its negative expressions can include physical and verbal violence, prejudice, malicious gossip, antisocial behavior, sarcasm, addictions, withdrawal, and psychosomatic disorders. These negative expressions of teenage anger can devastate lives, destroying relationships, harming others, disrupting work, clouding effective thinking, affecting physical health, and ruining futures.there is a positive aspect to such expression, as it can show others that a problem exists. </p> <p>Teenage anger is usually a secondary emotion brought on by fear. </p> <p>It can motivate us to resolve those things that are not working in our lives and help us face our issues and deal with the underlying reasons for the anger.Teenagers face a lot of emotional issues during this period of development. They're faced with questions of identity, separation, relationships, and purpose. The relationship between teens and their parents is also changing as teens become more and more independent. Parents often have a difficult time dealing with their teen's new-found independence.</p> <p>This can bring about frustration and confusion that can lead to anger and a pattern of reactive behavior for both parents and teens. That is, teens are simply negatively reacting to their parent's behaviors, and parents react back in an equally negative manner. This sets up a self-reinforcing pattern of interaction.</p> <p>Blaming and accusing only builds up more walls and ends all communication. Remember that anger is the feeling and behavior is the choice.</p> <p>Dore E. Frances, Ph.D. </p>