Dear Troubled Teen Blog,
I think about you all the time and the history that we have shared. I know I have been neglecting you these past months. Sadly the situation has gotten worse I never thought it would get to this place. Now I am not sure if there is a bottom.
I have been trying to figure out what I would tell you and how to compose it in a positive and hopeful light. But at this time that is difficult, as I watch my son go deeper into his sickness.
I don’t see much of him these days and when I do he is not there mentally. He has always had different ideas about life but now he is more in his head than ever. It is almost impossible to have a conversation with him. He has been living on the street and has had four 5150’s this past year. He has been in and out of jail. There is a bench warrant out for him in our hometown because he has not (cannot) make his court dates or do his community service. I have no way of contacting him so I wait for him to contact me and luckily he seems to come around every few weeks and then disappear.
Some nights I lay awake wondering if he is still alive and how he exists. We no longer give him money or support. When he does come around he tells us he can take care of himself. I know that I am powerless but this is my child and it just breaks my heart whenever I think of him.
TTB this is why I have not been around in a long time. This is a lot for me to process and I am learning to live on life’s terms and at the same time trying to accept this difficult path that my family is walking. I thought wilderness and residential treatment was going to be the answer but now I know this was just a safe place along this uncharted road.
I have not given up hope. I am learning about new interventions that may be able to care for my son as he enters adulthood. Personally, I am fed up with the system and how it (does not) works for those with mental health issues. I am learning there are outreach programs and we have to make them aware of my son’s situation. He needs an advocate but at the same time I am powerless and have to let go. I thought I already did that.
With sincere gratitude, Your Administrator
P.S. I know I am not alone. I have met many wonderful families with similar situations which breaks my heart even more.