Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, the love holiday. My husband and I exchanged gifts, the traditional roses and chocolates. We went out to dinner the night before to a nice restaurant, something we don’t do very often. Not because we don’t enjoy it but due to economics and family. Interestingly when we decided to go out to dinner, we thought neither of the boys would be home, but then they called us and said “we will be home for dinner at 6:30”. At that time we were sitting in the restaurant and told them great, but we would not be there so they would have to figure something out. That was a liberating moment and I am trying to do more of that, not waiting around for them and live my life. I am really feeling a shift in my attitude.
Now on to what is really eating at me at this time. 18 years old, for two days and I think I am going to scream. I don’t know if I am obsessing, but I feel this shift in his attitude and that is about smoking. Because now he can do it “legally”. It may sound trivial, but I live in a smoke free environment. My home is smoke free and in my eyes my son is now violating this. He comes home “stinking” of cigarettes. His clothes reek of them, therefore not only is his room a mess but it smells like cigarettes. I don’t think he smokes in the house so his new “thing” is at night “I am going to step outside for a few minutes”, he doesn’t say to have a smoke but I know it is to smoke one of his filthy cigarettes and then comes back in the house stinking.
This may sound trivial, not only does he bring the stink in the house, but I find cigarette butts in my yard, on the curb in front of the house along with ashes. Disgusting!!! Yesterday I blew up, I hate it when I blow up. Not only is he smoking in my space, but using the planet as his ashtray. The years I spent talking to my kids about how filthy cigarettes are and now my son is the violator. I wish I could just close my eyes and ignore it, I want to believe this to will pass.
Today he will go outside and clean up all the dirty butts that are in the yard and in front of our house and the neighbors. If he wants to smoke, let him smoke, but don’t litter my world.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
my 18 yr old daughter is smoking. =( my dad died with lung cancer at 56. i’m just confused. she is popular, pretty, smart & an athlete. y even try it? much less keep doing it. it breaks my heart and she doesnt do it around me, but i know she does it! wish there was SOMETHING i could say to make her stop.
I completely understand the frustration regarding a person and their stuff smelling strongly of cigarette smoke in a non-smoking household. This is happening at my house. I told my daughter that if she wanted to smoke she had to take full responsibility for her choices and has to enter our family home smelling like a non-smoker because we would never rent a room to a smoker. She now makes an effort to change her clothes and shower if it’s really strong as well as washing her own clothes. She does need reminding though!!!
Also, she has younger sisters and I was told by QUIT line that they may need an incentive not to take up smoking because the strongest influence on a young person taking up smoking is their siblings. So I have told them that if they can get through school and to 18 – 20 years old without smoking my husband and I will buy them a second hand car outright. They are really excited about this and I think it might just work at steering them away from it. Unfortunately for my husband and myself we have to start saving to follow through with our offer…
You people need to grow up and get a life. Let the damn kids enjoy their smokes. Contrary to popular belief, smoking doesn’t make one a “bad person”, or some sort of a degenerate among society. If anything, it means that they had made a bad decision at one point, and the word “bad” may even be too harsh of a word to use here. Unhealthy? Probably. But so is walking in bare feet, breathing in the fresh New York air, and the country’s educational system. I highly recommend you loving parents to cease from ripping your perfect, nonsmoker-hair out, and worry about far more important issues.
You should tell him to stop and smell his fingers. That will stop him.
Ick, stinky, gross, and so totally unhealthy. I so understand what you are saying. I think all you really can do is ban smoking in the house and yes make him clean up his mess. Having watched my mom battle lung cancer for 2 years and in the end lose that fight, it rips my heart out to see young peole puffing away when they KNOW the risks. Good luck dealing with it.
Wow, again our lives seem to be going along the same course. My 15 year old daughter has taken up smoking and I feel so helpless. Even her friends think it is disgusting and her boyfriend just broke up with her over it but it hasn’t stopped her. She tries to say she is addicted but really? Maybe emotionally but probably not physically…but I don’t know how long it really takes to get addicted. We are watching her grandmother cough and hack and look like she is 30 years older than she really is, it’s horrible and I can’t believe she hasn’t learned from this. Her great grandpa also died of emphysema.
We also live in a smoke free environment and the way she smells is horrible and embarassing for her brother. Just yesterday he and a friend had to leave the room because she smelled so bad…poor kid. We also had a huge fight just last night because she wanted to “go on a walk” and I said no, then told her to hand the cigarettes over. She had a fit, but she is 15 and my point is – it is illegal. I have told her that I can’t stop her from smoking but I can make it as hard as possible for her. She alreay has one MIP for cigarettes. Good luck to you and thanks again!
I don’t know why I let the smoking thing bother me so much. I think because it is such a stupid habit to get into. It was almost exactly a year ago that I wrote this post about tobacco company’s and marketing to teens, especially teen girls, “Big Tobacco Markets to Women and Girls with Packaging and Ads” here is the link to the post http://bit.ly/bMpEm0.
My son smokes camels – “joe camel” isn’t he supposed to be a pretty cool guy?
My son has already told us that he will probably smoke when he comes home from treatment. He has smoked on and off since the age of 15. On when he was at home before treatment–and off when he is in treatment. The local liquor stores (most of them) are willing to sell cigarettes to minors. They accept “Yes, I’m 18 but forgot my ID.” “Okay,” they say “You look 18.” We have tried to convince him with the common sense approach–unhealthy, addictive, stinky, socially unacceptable, waste of money, etc. I think they do it because it is one area where they can have what they perceive as control. As for me, it is a battle I have chosen not to fight. No smoking in the house, no butts lying around (use an ashtray at the table in the back yard and dump it.) It is true that it is a disgusting habit, but you never see a headline “Young man crazed by cigarette smoking murders family” or some such. I suspect the more you bug him about it, the more determined he will be to continue. I don’t know if you do his laundry for him, but if you do, you could tell him you will not wash his smelly clothes any more. Perhaps you could institute a small fine for any butts you find around the yard or out front. Good luck!
Thanks for sharing…yes, perhaps a bit trivial, but a violation to your space nonetheless. I have a 15 year old that just started smoking as well.
What confuses (and angers) me is why he decided to start smoking. Like you, we’ve educated him at a young age of the dangers of smoking. I also have an uncle that died of lung cancer from smoking…a healthy and intelligent human being that deteriorated into 90 pound of flesh before he died.
Although I’ve smoked as a youth (15 until my late 20s), I’ve told him numerous times we were not as educated or informed as his generation, and smoking at that time was unfortunately socially acceptable. After so many years of educating and re-educating our country about the dangers of smoking tobacco and the second hand smoke….it’s still “glamorized” as being cool and sophisticated. My son’s doctor has admitted that it is exceptionally difficult to stop a teen from smoking.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope that he will come to his senses when he’s older (as I did). It does seem cool…until that one “special” date tells him that s/he is tired of kissing an ashtray. Bottom line…we can’t control what our kids do, the choices/decisions they make…but they must respect our space.