Yesterday I had the pleasure of having a Sushi Lunch with my son. It was just the two of us and we sat at the bar, his pick. At first I thought we should sit at a table, but then it occurred to me that it might be better if we did not have to sit across from each other. I don’t think teens like to be stared at. Earlier in the week I had another special time, we went to a movie together. I wanted to go see one movie and he was not interested therefore did not want to go. So I asked him what movie he wanted to see and he came up with “Pirate Radio”. I thought ugggh, I had not heard of this move, I don’t go to movies often and was hesitant of the subject. He showed me the trailer; it looked off beat, but fun, so we went.
What is my point? Both of these occasions I had to give a little. At the restaurant we sat at the bar and the movie was not my choice. Sometimes to have a relationship with our teen we have to bend. On both of these occasions we had a good time and the movie was not so bad after all. The big question is how far are we the parents willing to bend?
During the younger years, we do things for our kids, but usually they are what we pick to do with and for them. Now they are older, parents need to step outside their comfort zone and take the lead from the teens. It is still very new for me, does not happen often and if they have a choice prefer not to hang out with me. But when they do and we are not arguing I love our time together. I also am learning not to nit-pick at how they look and what they are wearing all the time. I would hate it if someone did that to me.
This holiday and Christmas season, if it works for your family, step back from what you think would make the perfect holiday and ask your teens what they might like to do (as long as it is legal). You might be surprised at what they think of, as we step outside our comfort zone and help us to experience and maybe better understand their world. I have also found that during these occasions sometimes they let down their guard somewhat and tell you things they would not usually share.
Families are forever, whether we like it or not, they are not always easy and during the holidays everyone has high expectations. Each moment is a gift and if it is harmonious it can be priceless.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Post Script:
Links to past posts relating to Christmas and Holidays, they have not all been perfect, but we have been together.
Memories and the Imperfect Christmas Christmas 2008
Christmas in Treatment Three posts from 2007
No related posts.
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I know I am a little late to respond to this but one thing I have have been doing for the past few years during the holidays is “family christmas movie night.” Every Sunday after Thanksgiving we sit down as a family and watch a Christmas movie. The kids whine and complain but they ALWAYS show up. There are two main reasons I do this. First to try and get them in the spirit of the holidays and remember what it felt like when they were younger and bring back good memories (they seem to forget!) and second to spend quality time as a family. I am desperately trying to give them positive memories of us spending time and having fun as a family. Hope you had an awesome Christmas and New Years!
Hi Lee, That is really a great story. I am sure your journey is not over, but we do need to cherish those special times and it sounds like you had one. When we can learn to accept our teens for who they are and not be judgmental life seems to come together. Peace to you and your family in the New Year.
Thanks for sharing your holiday story.
We, too, had an awesome day yesterday (New Years Day). We have a son that just started high school, and our lives have been somewhat unpredictable since school started. For the past four months, we’ve been dealing with failing grades, drugs, drinking, hanging around with the wrong crowd, being disrespectful, some physical violence…it’s been a little bit of everything in small quantities.
During winter break, he’s been gone for days at time (against our will). Although we know he’s been staying at a friend’s (along with a bunch of other kids), he would come home every three days to change his clothing and would chill at home for a day. Our hunch is that he’s in a safe environment, but we have never met his friend’s parents.
Suddenly yesterday he called during the early afternoon, and asked us to pick him up because he was hungry. Although we were angry and hurt with his behavior, we picked him up and had late lunch at his favorite restaurant. During lunch we told him to disconnect his iPod…and although he whined and cursed about it…he surprisingly responded by turning it off. We had a great lunch and actually had one of the best conversations in a long time. For some strange but magical reason, all of our guards were down and we actually enjoyed each other’s company.
When we got home, he proceeded to sign on the computer and watch TV…but also said he would stay home the rest of the weekend since school was starting on Monday. Whether that happens or not is a another story…but I’m just happy for the time we were able to share together.
Even if for just one day…life seems peaceful again. Thank you universe…& Happy New Year.
Peace.
Bending and any relationship go hand in hand. I think it is harder with our kids because we have always been in charge. So glad you got some quality time in with yours. Movies are always a great time together for us and then out for ice cream or something. Merry Christmas!
Thanks for being such a good mom.
I love you and our boys. Merry Christmas to all.
Dad