Wow is it quiet! My husband and my oldest son, just left to meet his brother and sister at the beach in Southern California. This trip had been planned for over a year, all of my husband’s sibs and kids were invited. A family reunion of sorts, but do to schedules I am not going with my youngest son. He is in his last week of summer school slogging through Algebra, which is now iffy on his grade. At this point I am praying he passes so that we can move on. With his father out of town he will be on his own to study for both a makeup test and the final.
Last week ended up being another teen drama. Now it looks like we have drama every other week. My oldest son that has been home for 5 weeks from residential treatment managed to get caught by the police for smoking marijuana. I am glad he got caught by the police, we have our consequences at home, but now he will be on probation and have to also live with those consequences. As you remember it was July 4, that he was sited for drunk and disorderly in public. At least this time he was not drinking. We need to acknowledge the positive.
I guess he did not learn the first time and hopefully he is learning something now. I am not going to say he is remorseful, because I thought he was remorseful and learned his lesson the first time. I was suspicious the last week that something was going on, especially now that he has money in his pocket from working. I have learned in the past not to accuse them of using drugs unless I can prove it, because they will never admit to it. I do not believe in drug testing, because that has also backfired in the past, leading to the use of more dangerous substances. Read my post, Teen Drug Testing The Good, The Bad, and The Cheats
It is amazing what becomes the norm in our lives or how low we can sink. It had been over two years since I last had an encounter with the police and now in one month they have called our house twice. I refuse to get caught up in his drama and allow it to effect my life the way it has in the past. I won’t deny that it does affect my life on a certain level, but as I keep telling him you are writing the book. This is your story, I have done what I can do, now it is your time to prove yourself.
Some of you may be asking if I wish he were still in residential treatment? Sure it would be great not to have these issues. But he had his time and it would only delay the inevitable and we still have some time before he turns 18. He is not belligerent or threatening and that is when it gets real scary.
My husband and son should have a lot to talk about as they drive seven hours to the beach today. As much as I would have liked to go, this is a nice break for me too. I think I will go take the dog for a long walk.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I love that you say he is writing his own story – I hope he takes ownership of it all. I really hope all that father/son time has a positive effect.
The pot issue is a tricky one, but you are correct it is illegal. No longer is it the RTC or ISU we are now dealing with the juvenile justice system. As always by his own volition and making stupid choices. Thanks for your comments.
I think peace comes from within. They can haunt you even when they are millions of miles away. But I know what you mean, out of site out of mind.
You are right about just delaying the inevitable by keeping him in residential treatment. I too agree that pot is the lesser of the evils (compared to alcohol) but unfortunately it is illegal. He is not remorseful because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong by smoking it. That is not to say that I endorse smoking pot, but I have never heard of anyone going crazy in a pot induced rage or any other such thing. Our kids are self-medicating when they smoke pot. They are suspicious of the pharmaceutical industry and not without reason. Personally, I think it is a great waste of our nation’s resources to prosecute pot use–and you are right, now that he has money from working, he has money to buy pot. It is a catch-22. We cannot control them 24/7 when they are teenagers. Hopefully, he will be able to keep the terms of his probation. Now he has the juvenile justice system attempting to control his actions rather than the RTC.
Best of luck to all of you!
Enjoy your peace for the weekend and your walk. Sounds like you have made a positive choice in not allowing yourself to be drawn into and consumed by your sons drama. I have been reading your blog on and off and share the difficulties you have faced with son #1, but you are correct that he is writing his own story now with the choices he makes. Hopefully his less ideal choices of the past few weeks won’t affect his job. He is fortunate that he still has your support and hopefully will use this opportunity to learn from his mistakes. It’s the after 18 and being an adult when consequences become more serious. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you! Kat
Hi David, thanks for your comment. I will have to agree it was not the parenting experience I expected, but I have to believe some good will come out of it. Thank you for your prayers.
I had a step sister with some problems, but I can’t imagine being a parent in that situation. It sounds like you are staying strong and doing the best you can by him. I am praying for your continued strength and for the right lesson to come along for your son.