Every morning I drive 45 miles round trip to deliver my son to his school, about one hour door to door. This is a new routine that I share with my husband. Each of us drive one way, so it is 4 trips total, plus two bridge tolls, not cheap. This should be his last year of high school, he is 17 and starting his Senior year. Since he was in Residential Treatment and school is year around he was able to catch up on many of the units that he missed prior to placement. For the next year I am thinking I can make this daily drive, since there is no public transportation. I am an independent consultant (work at home web design and search marketing) therefore my schedule is somewhat flexible, but it still is a chunk of time out of my everyday schedule and I am beginning to feel it.
Luckily it is mostly freeway driving and he has to be there at 10:00 so the traffic is not bad. I don’t know what it will be like in the fall possibly more traffic. Street driving from one end of town to another can take just as long.
Then yesterday I was driving back listening to an audio book and thinking about this particular son and how things were going since he has returned home. For a moment I got agitated wondering why I was taking so much time out of my day to accommodate his needs. Once again I felt the pull of being the enabler. Then I looked out over the blue water on the bay as I drove over the bridge toward home and began to appreciate the beauty and became grateful that he appears to be integrating well at this school. Something I did not think would be possible once he returned home.
I remembered what it was like before he went into treatment and trying to find an educational setting that would work for him, obviously the public schools could not handle his defiant behaviors. Every place failed, the chaos between phone calls from administration, the suspensions, the police, running away, finding paraphernalia in his room. I remember thinking, “When is this nightmare going to end”, dealing with authorities, trying to bargain with him and most of all the mental exhaustion that stripped me of my spirit and time.
Today I don’t mind the drive, I am willing to make this sacrifice to have a sense of calm in my life, for my family and if it keeps the sanity it will be a win for everyone. Maybe the benefits will ultimately outweigh the negatives, June 2010 we will know.
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Hi Suzanne, that year will go by fast and before you know it he/she will be home. Yesterday my husband made a comment and I actually agreed with him why he wanted to bring him home before he turned 18 against all other advise. It is nice to have some level of power over them before they are released as an “adult” to the world. If he were 18 the cards would be different but I think he would be in the same mental space as today, maybe a little more mature. I am just hoping in our somewhat controlled environment he will have better tools and be able to cope independently. It is a big transition from RTC to society and I don’t think any of us no matter how much we try to prepare before hand are ready for it. Like you said the “wet finger in the air day to day”! Stay in touch, keep commenting I appreciate your support.
I think you got it – right now the positives seem to outweigh the negatives. It’s definitely a day-to-day put a wet finger in the air to see which way the wind is blowing. We’re about a year away from where you are. So I cherish these blogs. I hope you and your family have the best of outcomes.
Carpooling is a great idea and once the fall semester begins we will look into that option. Thanks for all your support, I love hearing about your family.
I totally think the right school is worth that sacrifice. My oldest two go to a school that is an hour round trip on a good day. I am willing to do that because this is what works for them. Is there anyway you could ask the school if there is anyone that lives near you that you could carpool with? Thankfully, we are able to carpool with another family, so instead of 10 roundtrips a week, I only make 5.