Everything is a first now, prior to my son’s discharged from residential treatment everything was a last, the last night at Heritage, his last meal at Heritage, his last day at Heritage. We took two driving days to get there, Mom, Dad, Brother and Dog, we were a pretty comfortable unit. We picked him on the second day for an emotional good bye to the staff that had been caring for our family the past couple of years. After gathering all his belongings (two boxes) we left the campus for the last time. It felt like they were handing me my newborn as I was leaving the hospital. Now it is the first, he is in my care, they handed him to us clean shaven, sober and healthy, it is now my responsibility to carry on. Those are some pretty big shoes to fill and we have no choice but to make it work. Our first days are ahead.
My son wanted to invite his therapist to have dinner with us on his last day and he was kind enough to join us. It was a wonderful way to say good-bye and also let him know what a big roll he played in our family without living with us. His therapist was a jewel in the rough, without him I don’t think my son would have been as successful in the program or any program for that matter. He never judged and believed in his potential when others had given up. He never forced his views on him and was there to support him when they needed someone. I could tell that all the kids trusted him, he was a listener and worked hard to instill values that he felt the kids could understand. We all are going to miss him.
We went back to the hotel for one last night in Provo, Utah the next couple of days we would make our way home winding through Southern Utah, Las Vegas and then back to the Bay Area. It was a good time for us to spend time together before we returned home with all the distractions of everyday life. We got along famously, four of us in a hotel room, almost like camping, I think everyone knew how special the time was. Las Vegas may have been a bit much especially after just getting out of residential treatment, luckily we were only there for a few hours. Everyone’s favorite stop was Capital Reef in Southern Utah. We drove over one hour to, basically nowhere but it was worth it, some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen.
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Now we are home and I can feel the ghosts trying to haunt me. I need to let go of my expectations and let his life unfold. I worry about things getting bad and going back to the way it was before he went into treatment. These are my ghosts, I need to deal with them. The success of my sons return home somewhat depends on how I react and I know I cannot do it alone therefore I plan on getting support. I will attend Al-Anon meetings plus have individual therapy at least until I feel that I am coping in a healthy manner. I have to give him credit for all the work he has done the past few years and let him grow into the wonderful young man “he is meant to be”. I also need to give myself credit, having a teen in residential treatment is a difficult decision to make, but in reality it is knowing when to give up and seek help. It will be the same now, with him at home, if we need help I hope that we are smart enough to know when to ask for it.
Tomorrow we are going to check out the school he will attend this summer and for his Senior Year. He now has the potential to graduate high school in June 2010. We all are sliding into our comfort zones, with two teenage boys in the house, I wish I had a crystal ball.
Pictures from our trip of Capital Reef, Southern Utah
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Hi Laura, It sounds like you are having much the same experience as us. Keeping them busy is so important and that is one reason I am thrilled he has a job. I am also attending Alanon meetings once a week and have made a commitment to continue at least through the end of the year. Stay in touch and let us know how it is going.
Hello,
My son just returned from two and a half years in Utah and we are going through the excitement and concerns of his return. Leaving his last therapist was tough for us too. We had two transition calls and have found someone locally who is trained to work with returning teens who also have social skills challenges.
For me, Alanon has been a lifesaver as well as taliking with other women who have gone through the process. For our family, having him in summer school and in positive activities keeps the stress levels down. Good luck!
I discovered your wonderful blog through Twitter. I’ve had the opportunity to attend many graduations from students at wilderness programs, residential treatment centers and boarding schools. It’s wonderful that you are giving parents with a common theme of starting over with their teens a chance to share and grow together. I’ll look forward to more posts.
Kudos to you & your family for settling into a good rhythm. I love the analogy about leaving with a newborn from a hospital. Your family is in my thoughts & prayers.
Your words about lasts and firsts were beautiful. I pray that everyone continues to make good choices and for harmony in your family. Let us know how the school visit goes.