Every morning I wake up hopeful, every evening I feel so sad.
As I learn more about my sons AWOL I come to the realization how premeditated it is. He did not just decide to split in an instant, it was very thoughtfully planned. Not only was it thoughtfully planned during his home visit, but he was working on it with the other residents before he left. The reason for my daily updates; the last time my son ran, I wished I had documented it better for parents that may go through the same experience. Amazingly I did receive calls after my last sons AWOL. Hopefully through my experience you will be wiser. For myself, I think this time I am handling the situation better. Then again maybe not!
We think my son is roughly 400 miles away from our home therefore it is difficult to go look for him. This morning when I woke up I got the idea to search Google maps for the Starbucks in the area that we think he is in. Starbucks tend to be near where people congregate. Good ‘ol Google maps does a great job of giving you all the locations and contact information. I called a few of them, they were very nice, they did not have a method of receiving emails or fax but if we mailed the flyers they would put them up. I was prepared to put together a mailing but then …
… the change of plans, my husband is driving Sunday night from Northern California to Southern California to look for our son. One more ray of hope. Even though we know it is futile and looking for a needle in a haystack, it is ever so difficult to sit and wait. My husband should be there late this evening ready to hunt early in the AM. This activity is mainly to make contact, in our high technology world it is still that personal contact that can make a difference.
While my husband is searching I will make the phone calls tomorrow to the Natinal Missing Person agencies in my last post. Amazingly most of these places are not open on the weekends.
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Your prayers have been partially answered.
Praying your dh makes contact.
I live on the East Coast so can’t be much practical help, but please know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Our son (17) currently is in a TBS in Montana and we are cautiously hopeful about the future, but I know that we could just as easily be in your situation. Please try to stay focused on staying sane–for yourself–and living the one life you’re given–for yourself. That sounds selfish, but it’s true. Don’t forget that your life is worth as much as anyone’s, even your beloved son’s. If it sounds like I’m talking to myself, that’s probably so.
Thank you for having the strength to keep your blog going through this latest trial.
Again, you’ll be in my prayers.
Hi Shelby, you really have been there for me. I have a flyer at http://www.tonicarr.com/matthewmissing.pdf.
Donelyn, Thanks for your comments and insight. I know how true what you talk about is and my sons goal may be to live on the street. He is 17 and while I am still responsible for him I cannot with a conscience allow him to do that. Once he turns 18, which is next year, then it will be different. But until then I am responsible.
Our daughter was in wilderness and residential treatment for 2 years beginning when she was 16 1/2. She is now 21, an age we thought she’d never reach. The work that has to be done by the parents is as grueling as that done by our child, and the letting go of expectations, hopes, control and facing the attendant grief and loss is very painful. On the other-hand, the depth of relationship I now have with my daughter I wouldn’t trade for anything. Her life doesn’t look anything like what I thought it would, but our relationship is much richer than I believe it would have been if not for this process in our lives. Treatment is not an event, it is a process—what I saw at 18 1/2 when she finished treatment, and what I see now at 21 is very, very different. Do not give up hope, but stay true to yourself and your values. I am wondering how old your son is?
Do you have a flyer or contact information for yourself that we can help you by retweeting periodically or posting on our blogs??? I don’t have that many readers any more but you never know…