Self destructive behaviors are very common among teens today and are not to be taken lightly. I have written about them before in my blog but they seem to be a reoccurring theme these days. Sometimes they may be the first sign of a problem. Self destructive behaviors are not going to go away without help and depending on how long they have been going on, they are hard for a teen to control. I was caught off guard when I first learned about my son exhibiting these behaviors. I did not have the tools to deal with them appropriately and did not understand what they meant. I was also in denial, no one wants to think their child is hurting or hurting themself.
I have read many articles with information on how to cope with self destructive behaviors and how to find alternatives to self harm. But self harm is the reaction to a deeper pain and should not be taken lightly. If you know of someone that is self harming in anyway the best support you can give them is to seek help from a professional. Self harm can become an addiction that can be impossible to beat on your own.
The types of self harm to watch for are:
- Most common is cutting, this can be done with a number of different implements razor blades, knife, broken glass, sharp metal, broken cd, paper clips, pins and even fingernails
- Picking at ones skin, open wounds, picking scabs
- Hitting one self, punching actually causing self inflicted bruises.
- Burning or branding the skin with an iron or cigarette
- Friction and rubbing until burn like marks begin to appear, this can be done with a pencil eraser or sand paper.
- Pulling out hair.
Many of these behaviors are done to numb the pain or sorrow one feels. It can become a habit that is hard to break. There is help for the person that is self harming and the sooner the negative coping mechanism is dealt with the better chances of long term success. Those that self harm may develop a vicious cycle of harming and then the calming feeling of taking care of oneself with self-care by tending to the wounds and self nurturing.
Most important get the help needed stop the painful cycle and learn healthy coping skills when difficult situations may arise. Life is not easy and it is never perfect.
This is video on how self injury may look and feel:
Additional sources for help and information:
HelpGuide.org
Self Mutilators Anonymous
TeenHelp.org
RecoverYourLife.com
MeetUp.com
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Thank you so much.
Hi Debbie,
I hope the links give you the information that you need. Reflecting back on your daughter when she was 6, makes me think about when my kids were younger, and if I only knew then what I know now. Would things have been different? Good luck to you and your family.
I forgot to add that she has picked at her skin and scabs since she was about 6 years old. I didn’t realize at that time that it was considered self-mutilating.
We have a teen daughter who has been cutting for over a year (on top of many other issues). She told her counselor that it helps relieve anger. In January, when her boyfriend broke up with her, she carved his name on her leg. It’s one of the hardest things to go through as a parent.
Thanks for the links. I am going to check them out.
Thank you Willow, your coming forward with a real life experience will make others aware that this is not something that should be pushed under the rug. Not only is it scary for the victim, but also the family. You are doing the right thing.
As a former cutter (in my late teens with a relapse last winter at the age of 44!), I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you advocating for this problem. When I was doing it in my teens, no one ever knew. When I started last winter, I let my husband know, against all the instincts that cutters have to keep it secret. It scared me so much, especially since I’m a parent now, that I might go too far. I didn’t get professional help either time, maybe that’s what put me in the position of relapsing. I’ve since been diagnosed with bipolar and have found out that a lot of bipolars cut. Again, thanks!