Adolescents A Time For Independence – Teens Need Their Own Space

September 19, 2008 · 2 comments

in Being a Parent

Parents Of Teens Need To Feel Wanted

The teen years are a time of independence. They now feel like they really do not need us, according to them they can get along fine without our help. In all the parenting manuals we are told to give our teens more space, so they can exert their independence and begin to break away from mom and dad. That is fine, but it is the attitude that begins to drive me crazy. I also feel they have more resentment toward me than they do their father. Maybe this will change later, but sometimes it really hurts.

What does this look like? My youngest son that just started high school is beginning to spend a lot of time in his room behind closed doors. Just like the other two did, agreed they do need their space that may be how the website MySpace got all popularity, another space with a door closed to parents. Try asking your teen if you can see their MySpace or FaceBook site and horror is written all over their face.

I wasn’t home this morning when my son got up and left for school, but my husband remarked that he barely said two words to him, maybe grunted out a good bye. He has now started riding his bike to school, so I don’t have the car time. Car time is great,  they are stuck with you, no place to go and they have to engage somewhat. In fact if you ever need to “have a talk” driving around is a good place to do it. They don’t have to look you in the face, but they can’t get away. Then there is dinner time, we have family meals every night he eats in less than 5 minutes and then asks to be excused. If we ask him to “hang with us” for a few minutes you would think he just lost his best friend. But when he wants something … he can really stick around.

Simple conversation, “like how’s your day or what happened in school”, the eyes begin to roll. Try to change the subject, be friendly and ask about a friend or how they liked a movie, now I am just plain nosey. When is enough-enough?  When do you put your foot down or do you just suck it up?

It is not my goal to be in their face all the time, believe me I want my teens to be independent.  In-fact I like my independence, this is the first time in over 11 years, I have not had to drive someone to school. It work both ways and I do think I deserve some respect.

Parents Of Teens Need To Feel Loved

The other thing I love is when his friends parents tell me how delightful he is when he is with them. I guess I should be flattered, but sometimes it hurts. I know this is an age old complaint, my parents complained about me. Why does history repeat itself? Luckily, (knock on wood) he is a good kid, gets good grades, is dependable and responsible. Why am I complaining? I guess I would like to have some kind of a relationship that is not fraught with eyes rolling, how stupid or I don’t get it. What is healthy teenage space and when is it down right rude?

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 kidsRTC December 12, 2010 at 10:20 am

Hi Carla, Look through the archives starting with June 2009 http://www.troubledteenblog.com/archives/#2009-06. If you click on the month they expand and I have tried to document most of it. The last 1.5 years have been rocky at best but we seem to be on a good path now I just hope we can continue.

2 Carla Harvey December 12, 2010 at 7:07 am

Thanks for your sharing. I would like to hear more about your exerience since a few years have passed. What worked? How has it evolved to date?

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: