I am posting a Dear Abby letter on teen cutting that was in the newspaper last week. This young girl is a “cutter” and she is very insightful as to why she is cutting. Cutting was new to me and I have learned that many of our teens today have become cutters to cope with stressful situations, then I realized my son was a cutter. When I first saw the marks on his arms, I did not consider the urgency, I thought “just stop that”. But as time went on it was another one of his many self-destructive behaviors, that only continued to get worse. At one point he was hospitalized because his cuts were so deep. I have learned that cutting is different than trying to commit suicide. It is a coping skill, which is hard for me to understand, but it allows them to release the tensions and stresses they are feeling. Not the best coping skill. Read this note from a teen for more insight:
Question: I have been depressed for years, and at times I cut myself. My mother sent me to counseling, but it didn’t help much.
For a while, I was more or less happy. I had my boyfriend, school wasn’t too much of a problem, and I was having fun. But lately, I’ve felt really stressed and depressed, and I got back into my old habits. Unfortunately, I cut myself in front of my boyfriend. He got mad and left.
I seriously considered suicide. The urge was so strong it scared me, so I threw away my razors. Then I called a friend who’s having similar problems, and we talked. She helped me realize that maybe I hurt myself for attention or pity, and I can control acting like that. She said my boyfriend really loves me, and if I cut myself, I’m cutting him – and her. Later, it occurred to me that I was a little mad at him, and maybe I do this to myself to get back at other people.
I don’t want to lose anyone (myself included) over this stupid drama. I want to deal with my feelings in a healthier way. Psychologists haven’t helped, but I need something to keep my head on straight. How can I change for good? I know I need to, I just don’t know how.
Answer: You are asking intelligent questions. To me, they indicate that you are ready to be completely honest and accept the help you so desperately need. It’s time to consult a licensed medical professional.
I don’t know why your sessions with the psychologist weren’t helpful. Perhaps you weren’t seeing the right person or you weren’t ready. Now that you are, ask your doctor for a referral - preferably to someone with experience with cutters. You may need medication to help maintain your chemical balance, but it’s important to talk out your need to hurt others by turning your anger on yourself. Once you fully understand it, you’ll have a better chance of controlling the impulse.
Parents are always seocnd guessing their teens behaviors, I like hearing from teens why they do the things they do. Maybe this will help us to better understand.
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i am 17. when i was 14 i started cutting. my mom found out a year later. she yelled at me until i wanted to die. she made me feel so much worse about the cutting. i am afraid to cut myself again because of her yelling at me. i admit that i have self-esteem issues and i have one friend. my fiancé. he knows about my feelings and about me wanting to cut myself again. he is so understanding and listens to my every problem and complaint. he tells me that i dont need to cut myself. he has helped me cope with my pain. i just wanted love and now i have all of the love in the world. STM (my fiancé), has saved me.
I am a Survivor! I too used to struggle with cutting when I was a teenager. It is a very common issue in today’s adolescence. In fact, I am now a mental health counselor and have written a book entitled, Chains Be Broken: Finding Freedom from Cutting, Anxiety, Depression, Anorexia, and Suicide. It is my personal story directed to teens who are struggling with mental health issues and parents of these teens. I am posting this because I strongly believe in receiving help for these issues and am hoping my story will be able to help others. You can read a clip from my book on my website at http://www.chainsbebroken.com Please share with anyone you think might be able to benefit. Thank you!
Shannon Rowell,IMH 8482
Mental Health Counselor
I’m 17, and used to cut horribly. I’ve been through some things in life that really traumatized me, and i never dealt with it, i didn’t know how to.
So i turned to cutting.
It was something that even when everything hurt and was spiraling downward, it was one pain i could control. I felt numb to everything, i didn’t cry over things anymore. Feeling the pain, seeing the blood..it let me feel SOMETHING. I cut from the time i was 13 till i was 16, sometimes it would get so bad i’d pass out from the blood loss. Luckily, i’ve thrown my blades away, but i certainly get the urge when i get upset and it’s still strong, even though its been about 13 months.
Since i was 13 i felt diffrent. I started scratching myself with a safety pin. a few years later i moved up to scissors, then within the past two years a razor blade. my scars are small some worse then others. Today i admitted i needed help. i read in an article a way to cope instead of cutting would be maybe as simple as singing asloud as you can and dancing around your room until you cant anymore. snapping a rubber band on your wrist instead of cutting for the first few months might help i read aswell. i have alot to figure out inside of my head and im scared. but the scariest part is over… i admitted i needed help. now its the healing part. but if your a cutter like myself someday when your ready find the strength and get the help you deserve, i feel like i cought myself just intime. I feel as if i kept going at the rate i was i wouldn’t be here for that much longer. my heart goes out to everyone out there dealing with pain, its a scary road but no one is alone at the very least just know you always have me. i need support too and together we can get strong again and find ourselves! but this time we wont let ourselves fade away and get lost in the mayhem because we will have other diffrent, positive ways to deal with the pain we feel. -Cassandra
I am a mother and my teen was hiding her cutting and had quit when i noticed some scars on her arm, they were old scars but im concerend if she really has quit. I know she bites herself when she gets very angry and will tear things up. I dont know what to do for her. I know teenage years are tough but she has never been through anything so tramatic to cause such things. I feel that I have gone wrong in letting her have so many things (material) she has everthing she asks for and only has to ask once. So I am clueless as to what could be bothering her so badly.
i cut myself and it is something i have become addicted to. it is and urge. i started because i felt like im worethless and not worth peoples time
Thanks so much for your comment and honesty. I have heard and read that “once a cutter always a cutter”. My heart goes out to you and others dealing with these issues.
This is a great article/post. I was a cutter in my teens. I’m 45 now and had thought that cutting was long long behind me. But, in December and January just past, when the stressors in my life became too much for me to handle, I found myself cutting again. It’s an insidious thing; it creeps up on you. I can’t speak for anyone else. I can only say that I could handle physical pain far better than the degree of emotional pain I was in. Thanks for addressing the issue.