Independence Day may have different meanings for everyone. For teens they seem to think it is turning 18 only to find out that it is just another day, but turning 18 for some can be a big deal. It could be the opportunity to move on to a better way of life. Hopefully they are ready for it. Most 18 year olds today are not ready for an independent life and many are choosing to live at home rather than move on to college or get a job.
It is also interesting how many teens today are not getting their license to drive when they turn 16. I remember turning 16, I was on the steps of the DMV at 12:01 AM, but my parents never drove me anywhere. I either walked, got rides from friends parents or took the bus. Why are teens choosing not to get their drivers license? Are the laws tougher or is it easier to have a parent chauffer. Are we scaring our kids? Are we overly controlling, that teens figure I am not going to try? If they are not ready to drive at 16 what makes us think they are going to be independent at 18.
Independence is something that is earned and is a quality of life. Independence is not living on the street, then you are dependant on either a handout, another person’s property to sleep on or the soup kitchen for food. Independence is something that is earned just like the U.S. earned their independence from the British.
Maybe our kids have nothing to work towards, they want it all and they feel entitled. I have been trying to make my teens understand they have to work to earn special things in life. The other day my 14 year old wanted a new skateboard (he only needs one every other week). I told him he was going to have to earn the money for it. His reply to me “I don’t want to have to work for it”. My reply to him was “I don’t want to have to work for it either”, end of subject. A therapist would probably tell me that was not the best way to handle the situation, but really, I would rather work for a new pair of shoes! Sometimes my kids need to get real.
As we celebrate Independence Day I think of my son at the RTC. How is he celebrating his independence or lack thereof? Sometimes I think he may be getting comfortable and enjoying not being at home, it is all relative. A parents independence may be more important than the teens, if they see us pulling away it will be time for them to fend for themselves. A good lesson for everyone, let’s celebrate parents independence!
Have a great Holiday.
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