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Since there has been talk, and I have posted on this blog, about teen bi-sexuality growing as a trend, I am featuring a guest post by Cristin Brew, a professional that works with teens and sexual identity. My hope this will better prepare parents as they deal with their teens identity issues.
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When I was in high school the last thing that was considered cool was same-sex attraction. I wish it had been…I would’ve been the trendiest teen on the East Coast. Nevertheless, I managed to weather the very uncool years of my gay adolescence and, nearly two decades later and 3,000 miles from my own high school, I watch in awe as increasing numbers of teens self-identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer. I’ve worked with queer and questioning youth and their parents for over seven years and in that time have watched society make significant progress towards equality for LGBT people. It is due to this progress (primarily in the form of visibility) that I am not particularly surprised by the “trend” of teenage bisexuality. It follows that, as young people see evidence of gayness in the media as well as in their everyday lives, they have become more comfortable with examining and articulating these feelings in themselves. Here it seems important to note that the increasing number of bisexually-identified teens has, to date, remained primarily a female phenomenon. Society at large continues to be less accepting of two guys together than two girls together and, following suit, it is less okay for a high school boy to admit to same-sex attraction than for his female counterpart to do so.
Experimentation with identity and behavior is quintessentially adolescent and I suspect teenage sexuality has always included same-sex encounters; it is the visibility of this behavior that is changing. In educating people about sexuality, I find it useful to break the concept into three components:
- Identity
- Behavior
- Orientation
Identity is what I call the “nametag”, a self-proclaimed label that only an individual can devise for him/herself. Identity is shared with other people as it is one’s public face. Common identities include “gay”, “straight”, “bisexual”, “lesbian”, and “queer”.
The second component key to sexuality is behavior, what we physically do with our bodies and those of other people.
The third faction of sexuality is orientation; one’s private thoughts, desires, fantasies, and attractions. Breaking sexuality into three parts demonstrates how complex, fluid, and often times discordant human sexuality truly is.
Sometimes one’s identity, behavior and orientation match up and sometimes they don’t. As an example, take Tasha, a 15-year-old female who has recently started identifying as “bi”. Her behavior includes having “hooked up” with 4 guys at parties. Her orientation is that she finds herself attracted mainly to boys although she sometimes fanaticizes about kissing girls and has had several erotic dreams about her best friend, Sara. In this instance, Tasha’s identity (bi), behavior (heterosexual experimentation), and her orientation (same-sex and opposite-sex attractions) do not match up. This lack of congruity is entirely normal, not only for teenagers but for adults as well. Despite our innate preference for predictability and stability, it seems human sexuality often does not conform to our expectations or comfortably reside in the boxes we’ve created. And, to further complicate the picture, one’s identity, behavior and perhaps even orientation can shift over the course of a lifetime.
Adults often have a good deal of denial about the realities of teenage sexuality and our ignorance typically leaves us out of touch with and therefore unavailable to young people who might benefit from our guidance. As teenage girls continue to more openly grapple with their identities, we would do well to offer them a nonjudgmental ear as they navigate one of the many stormy elements of self-discovery. To call the recent upsurge of bisexuality amongst teenage girls a “trend” is to insinuate that it lacks authenticity.
My experience has been that teenagers experience their sexuality as strongly as adults do and we disrespect their courage and self-awareness when we dismiss their experience as “a phase”. My hope is that the next “trend” to hit local high schools is “bi guys”, bringing with it the opportunity for male adolescents to more openly explore and express their same sex attractions without fear of peer rejection or adult condescension.
About the Author:
Cristin Brew is a Marriage and Family Therapist intern and Program Director at Spectrum LGBT Center for more information visit their website www.spectrumLGBTcenter.org.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
There are many valid points in this article. Unfortunately, what makes me, as a 20 year old female, call bisexuality a trend sometimes, is that it kind of ticks me off that bi girls are considered “particularly hot” because they would do a threesome or something.
Really there’s little hope convincing people like Dave. They hold to their beliefs because they’re afraid of what they do not understand. This article was good. Like most all things in life, sexuality isn’t one thing or another, or either-or. It’s a spectrum, where people fall wherever they fall, and as society less and less expects someone to be labeled a certain thing, more and more people will be courageous enough to label themselves what they truly are.
Dave,
How does exploring one’s sexuality have anything to do with exploring thievery? One is a natural human expression, the other is a harmful crime. They’re completely non-analogous activities.
Fail.
As for my take, I think we’re just moving towards a more androgynous society which is less defined by the gender binary. The youth are always a bellwether for human progress and always have been.
I’LL HAVE TO AGREE WITH DAVE D. IF SOMETHING BECOMES ACCEPTABLE OR EVEN TRENDY THEY CAN CONVINCE THEMSELVES THEY ARE SOMETHING THAT THEY ARE NOT. PLUS, I PERSON SHOULD NOT YIELD TO ALL URGES.
sounds like a rationalization to me. Similarly, teeneagers are tempted to steal, drink alcohol, etc as they try to determine their identity. If it were socially acceptable to steal, more teens would do it and “identify” themselves as thieves. The reality is that we are all tempted to do things we shouldn’t do. We’re not doing our teens any favors by telling them, through words or example, that yielding to their temptations is acceptable.
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.