Teens are constantly trying to manipulate us to get their way. My son who is in residential treatment tries to manipulate us even though he is hundreds of miles away. Recently he decided he was not going to receive our weekly phone calls and refused to talk to us. As hard as it was we respected his wishes and waited for him to come around on his own terms. It reminds me of having a two year old, constantly pushing the boundaries and testing limits. The problem is, they are bigger and a “time out” does not have the same effect.
The 6 similarities between a teen and a two year old:
- They say “No” when they mean “Yes”
- “Mine” – they’re seeking independence
- They want control
- Temper tantrums and aggression
- Repetition! They will keep trying and trying, just to test you
- They become frustrated at times because they can’t express themselves as well as they would like
As a parent what can we do?
- Be consistent
- Be predictable
- Follow through with limitations, have some kind of a schedule
- Pick your battles, what can you let go of
- Offer limited choices with limited interaction
If you have too, let your kids hate you! Get your own life, separate and believe in yourself. Detachment is difficult with a teen.
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The popularity contest has ended during the teen years and this is when our real parenting skills come into play. Our job now is to parent and not be a friend. The true hugs will come! Thanks for commenting.
This is So true. Thanks for sharing. I never thought about it in these terms but yea its crazy here full of the young ones and the teens. I just want to go nuts lol.
I did want to say, Yea our teens are going to hate us at one point or another probably several times over the course of their teen years and early twenties, however The way I see it is parenting is not a popularity contest its just the way it is, and it is not Me they hate just what I am doing or not doing at that moment. It will pass. I am sure we all get (although it may be rare) the I love you mom and a hug
Thanks for sharing.
Excellent post I totally agree with you. Picking your battles is so important
when raising teenagers. Barb
Great tips. As a single mom of two teens, I read this article and laughed with recognition. My 14 year old daughter asked what I was laughing at and I let her read it. Oddly enough, she agreed with the article, but not for her … she thought it was all true of her 16 year old brother, though.
Let your kids hate you is probably the hardest and easiest thing to do.