Teens that harm themselves are performing repetitive injurious behaviors. For the parent or guardian they can be hard to discover and when found very alarming. The self harm activities performed by a teen are usually hidden with clothing, are in areas of the body that are not seen and are done in isolated situations, secretly and privately. It has been my experience that self injury becomes a coping mechanism for adolescents during stressful developmental times.
Teens struggle with peer acceptance, their changing bodies, a desire for independence along with complicated decisions and conflicts, to name a few. Self-injurious activity is calming, alleviates anxiety and re-establishes a feeling of power and control. But as the behavior continues, it becomes addictive, escalates and dis-empowers, alienates and can cause feelings of helplessness. Not to mention can be life threatening. Self harming behaviors are not thought to be attempts of suicide.
What are some of the self destructive behaviors that a teen may engage in? One of the most common and often talked about is cutting; it has also been noted that if one form of self harm is being used to curb anxiety, that other forms may also be practiced and could be any number of activities including:
- burning the skin
- limb-hitting and bruising
- head-banging
- picking at wounds, severe skin scratching and peeling the skin
- deep biting, nail and cuticle biting
- pulling out hair
- bone breaking
- swallowing sharp objects
- inserting sharp objects or toxic liquids into the body.
The part of the body most commonly abused is the upper limbs, arms and also the thighs. Objects can include razorblades, scissors and knives. Also many types of burning objects such as cigarettes and lighters. Any sharp object can be used for self harm, a broken CD, paperclips and nail clippers.
What should you do if you suspect your child is self harming? First, take it very seriously, if not dealt with the act can lead to additional serious negative behaviors. Find a professional that understands teens. Teens are different from adults and just because a professional works well with adults or even young children does not mean they work well with teens. A good Adolescent Psychotherapist, will work with your teen to find new coping skills and hopefully get to the root of why they are developing self destructive behaviors.
As adults it can be hard to understand teen behavior, especially when it is self destructive. Cut by Patricia McCormick, for teens, is insightful, the story takes place in a psychiatric hospital where 15-year-old Callie suffers from a teen problem–she cuts herself to relieve her inner frustrations and guilt.
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I watch as you silently stand in the rain
Lonely and hopeless your life is now
I think of the days when there was no pain
You laughed and splashed and danced in every way
Who could have forseen sadness and despair some day
Your drenched and cold but you don’t care
Angels are crying with you in your despair
Your arms are bleeding dripping away your soul
Where you cut them so deeply in that dark place
Blood Tears and Rain puddle around your feet
words of ridicule echo from people you meet
You welcome death to relieve you of pain
But for now there’s balance in the rain
Shattered dreams broken heart
blood tears and rain
is all that is left of that beautiful little girl
I drop to the floor in shame and cry
seeing you hurt and depressed but why
Where in your life did I go wrong
What can I do to make you strong
Your pain is my failure i know that to be true
When all that i hold dear stands wet lonely and blue
I found a great book on Tools4Teens.net The authors are from Texas. I heard them on a radio show and went to check it out after hearing the interview. It talks about all different kinds of self destructive behavior and gives hope to teens. My teenager and I have read through the book together and it was a great way to communicate some difficult topics.