I came across this website recently and it looks like it would be a useful resource for those in recovery along with family and friends. In The Rooms— is An Online Social Networking Site for the Recovery Community. Those of you familiar with this type of social networking platform will have no problem feeling comfortable.
You can join In The Rooms —the web’s newest and most comprehensive social networking site for the worldwide recovery community. In The Rooms provides resources for those seeking help or treatment, in recovery, and for friends, family, and allies of those in recovery. The site includes online meetings and affinity groups, browse the library for articles, connect with other resources for recovery, and take an active role in promoting recovery. Check it out or join here: http://www.intherooms.com/.
I have never understood the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, for some reason the name has always confused me and to be honest a bit scary. It is a misleading label that was coined in the 1930’s. I wish I had read this article from The New York Times, Personal Health – An Emotional Hair Trigger, Often Misread, a few years ago, it describes my son’s behavior perfectly before he went into treatment. It was one of the many diagnosis mentioned and I tried to ignore; I did not think he had a “personality disorder”.
Here is a direct quote that explains the signs we experienced prior to treatment:
Moods can change quickly and unpredictably, behaviors can be impulsive (including abuse of alcohol or drugs, reckless driving, overspending or disordered eating), and relationships with others are often unstable. Many patients injure themselves and threaten or attempt suicide to relieve their emotional pain.
People with the disorder are said to have a thin emotional skin and often behave like 2-year-olds, throwing tantrums when some innocent word, gesture, facial expression or action by others sets off an emotional storm they cannot control. The attacks can be brutal, pushing away those they care most about. Then, when the storm subsides, they typically revert to being “sweet and wonderful,” as one family member put it.
His emotions were so sporadic he would erupt for the smallest things, as the article mentions you always feel like you are “walking on eggshells”. Some children must learn to regulate their emotions as for others it comes naturally and they are in need of additional stability. The last thing most teens have is emotional stability even some of the most well adjusted. This is why an RTC, residential treatment or boarding schools are so effective with teen behavior, offering a structured environment and lots of stability.
If someone you know is suffering from these symptoms they may need more help than most therapists are qualified to give. I know this was very true for us and a hard lesson to learn. “Therapists tend to regard borderline patients as manipulative and demanding of an inordinate amount of time and attention”. It has been found that some therapists with traditional analytic training provide unsuccessful treatment and then experience feelings of failure and frustration. Therapists trained in dialectical behavior therapy which is a derivative of cognitive behavior therapy can be helpful for those with borderline personality disorders. I know many of the residential treatment centers specialize in this type of therapy for teens. The goal is to teach them how to regulate themselves and it is possible with the correct treatment.
Related links of interest on Borderline Personality Disorder :
It has been over a week since my son discharged from residential treatment. I really must count my blessings at how well it has gone. Even though at times I have blown it, with “fear based thinking” as I lay awake at night with worry and want to check his room to see if he is still there. Whatever they tell you, there is no way to truly prepare you for how much of an adjustment it is going to be transitioning your teen back home. During the time my son was in treatment, I spent a lot of the time feeling guilty that we sent him away. Once I experienced the positive changes I knew that we had done the right thing. At least when they are in treatment, they are contained and you know they are not getting into trouble. If your teen is in treatment this is the time for you to relax, know they are in a safe place, because no matter what one day they will return.
Now the decisions and consequences are up to him to make right choices arise and trusting that he can do it. I am also learning to be supportive without being controlling, after all he is 17 and will be 18 in eight months. There is such a fine line and it is easy to cross over when you feel like you are being supportive and it comes across as control. I will share with you some of the exciting and scary experiences from this past week. This is only a handful of the changes that have been made.
- The New School-Senior High School
After much thought we have decided to put him into a private school that is a 20 minute drive from our home, he will be completing his Senior Year. The great thing about this school is each students program is individual and they work with a teacher one on one per subject. On Tuesday we went there for a preliminary visit and he hated it. After much conversation, he said he would give it a try. Thursday he went for his first class, he is taking American Literature and his teacher approved reading a book by Chuck Palahniuk
. If you know his books they are pretty bazaar to say the least, but I have to give the teacher credit for being accepting and knowing what battles to fight, I guess he can read Hemingway later. The teacher received tons of brownie points for a successful first meeting and he is now excited to return.
- Fellowship and Meetings
During is placement in treatment he told us he would not attend any kind of AA / NA meetings when he returned home. They had mandatory CD (chemical dependency) classes at the RTC and he hated them. He has attended an NA meeting almost everyday and one day maybe two meetings. I am really impressed with the NA (Narcotics Anonymous) program in our area, they are a very active group and also have many social activities. Then my fearful mind being the skeptic wonders why he was attending so many meetings, I have been manipulated in the past. Now I feel and see the support he is honestly attending.This morning I went to my first Alanon meeting in many months and have decided that I will attend a meeting a week, for myself and to support him in his sobriety.
- A Job
This is the most amazing story of all; on Friday he got a real job. This is his gift for all the hard work, positive efforts he has made, which I will forever be grateful that he has this opportunity. The beauty of this gift was it came so naturally and this is the story. I was having lunch with one of my clients, and he started to share with me his experiences with his oldest son and how he had to send him away to Wilderness and then to a boarding school during his high school years. He did not have a clue what I had been going through the past 2 years. As he told his story, in the back of my mind I was confused and trying to figure out what do I share about myself and my story? I am very guarded when it comes to what I share with those around me, especially my clients. But I decided to not hold back and I explained I just returned from at trip to Utah to bring my son home after 2 years in treatment. He was surprised and told me he had no idea that we were going through this, looked at me and said “do you want me to give him a job”. My jaw dropped, I did not know what to say and could hardly believe what I was hearing. Especially since now he knew that my son was troubled. Then he told me he would have to take a pee test, could he pass it? I returned home mentioned this opportunity to my son. At first he was a bit resistant, then we talk about the environment he would be working in, the money and the rest is now history. He will be working 20 hours a week and starts Monday.
I could now choose to worry about the job. There is always something to worry about. Will he be successful? Will he embarrass me? My client knows what he is getting into and he is doing it because he cares, I feel so lucky to have the support.
His schedule is full, with school, meetings and work. This is not anything I could have planned or organized before he got home. It has not all been sugar coated and it takes work, but I have to thank my higher power for giving us these gifts. God truly does work in mysterious ways. I still have fearful thoughts and I am learning to push them away. I am also learning they may always be there.
